Right now, this very moment, I am staring at an empty desk. I have clothes drying in the dryer and I am in the process of packing. My heart is racing and my mind is following the same pattern.
Why? Because new things are sometimes too big for me.
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I began a journey 10 years ago this week that I knew ultimately would change my life... One day.
Around the time I was 14 going on 15 I went to my first year of summer camp. That week changed me. I heard Gods call on my life for myself and there was no way anyone could take away the encounters I had with Him that week.
I came home and of course real life set in. The super high I was on slowly dwindled but the fire that started in my heart burnt so strong. I wanted what God wanted and even on days that felt mediocre, at best, I knew God had great plans for me.
I went through high school, graduated, and began my adult hood in a not so structured or traditional way. I bounced from home to home for various circumstances (that we can discuss later) and during this time in my life God actively pursued my heart while demonstrating His love for me. I never went a day without food, a night without a roof over my head, and I always had people in my corner.
God was real.... He wasn't easy but He was real. And I needed to see that... Because of today.
Today for the first time in 4 years I don't have a job. I didn't get fired. I even had a pretty good job. Brought in decent money, had an easy going supervisor, a team lead who has become like family... But I quit.
Why? Because God told me 10 years ago that I had a call. And this weekend He said it was time.
Time for what? Well... Something. Maybe it's time for faith to arise in my heart again. To re-open the places in my heart that only seem active when it's necessary to rely on God for our needs and not on myself and what I can do on my own.
For over 2 years I found comfort and, if I'm being honest, pride in my job and our financial situation as a family. I didn't realize that... But God did. And He loves me too much to let me start thinking that money is stability.
He is, and really only ever has been, my stability.
We face some really real needs right now. We are confused, nervous, seeing lack, and wondering what the flip is going on.
But we are feeling all of those things and being obedient.
God is so cool though. Because that camp I mentioned that I went to 10 years ago this week, I'm packing to go as a camp counselor. I leave in 2 hours. My prayer is that God will move on the hearts of these teens and that I can minister faithfully and that my experience 10 years ago will pale in comparison to what God does this week in the hearts of the girls I will be ministering to, and the others who are attending.
God works in big circles and funny ways. I forgot life could feel so adventurous.
I'm ready to see how God is going to work everything out. But my heart is pumped and my spirit full of faith.
Today I'm living in my One Day.
Whoa.
That's all I got...Just...
Whoa.