"Why" Sure is a Loaded Question

I rarely ask God why. As a matter of fact, I can count on one hand the instances. He is sovereign and my life testifies of that.

But, occasionally, I would like to ask PEOPLE why. 

I'll never get the answers I want and more likely than not I probably won't even get an answer. But for the sake of myself and this post lets pretend that I'm looking in the face of those I want answers from and I finally ask. 

The question that burns most (although there are many) is this: Why did you take me in just to throw me away? 

I can guarantee that's a question many people speaking from their inner child ask of those who should've always been there...

We want to know why our dads walked out or why our moms chose other men and failed to realize the depth of love our tiny hearts held for the two people that made us. We blindly claimed you- yet you made us and thought mainly about yourself. 

I ask that question, just like many others, of my dad. To this day there is a longing in my heart for a fathers love, but no father to fill it. 

We sometimes ask this question to those that took us in. Guardians, foster parents, adoptive parents... 

Children who have an open heart to receive love, however, it seems there is an expectation to earn it. 

I ask that question of them to. I would never want to hurt anyone or victimize myself by naming names and pointing fingers... But maybe in the most kind, yet honest way it's time. 

It's time to call out the parents whether birth or by circumstance... Maybe your child is still a child or they are a grown adult...

Don't forsake. Don't condemn. Don't neglect. 

Because we children become parents one day. We need to know what a parent actually looks like. And it's YOUR mission/destiny/assignment to show us.

No free passes and no exceptions.

This post may never reach the eyes of those it is intended for (and it's the first post actually INTENDED for specific people) BUT for the eyes it reaches whether you be a parent or a one day parent...

Remember the weight of your calling as a momma or a daddy. Remember that you may see a child now but your raising up someone who is to care for your grandchildren and generations to come. Mold them, teach them, stay with them, and above all LOVE them- even when they are hard to love. Because, you parents were hard to love at one point too. 

And to those of us whose parents didn't have someone to call them out and tell them to do better... Let US do better. Let's raise generations after us to know what we didn't know. Unmerited love, and unquestionable stability. Whether our home is filled with children we birth or ones we choose to bring in- may we show children that love is a free gift and our hearts are big enough to embrace them- flaws and all- for their WHOLE life. 

Let us show the next generation the love of Jesus. And let that show the generation above us what's to be gained when they do the same. 

And, my prayer is that our hearts will embrace grace towards the ones who chose not to be stable for us, that we may be stable in love for them. 

My heart is heavy for those who may be asking this question. May The Lord show and make real to you the weight of His love and the desire to be your mother and your father. Embrace Him as Dad and let Him heal your broken places. He will. I know because He continues to do it in me. 

And above all...

To you children (or to your inner child) know you are worth more than you were given. And that there is one who lavishes love freely. And it's not too late to feel it!

Honestly, I don't know how to end this post. I've told myself countless times I'd never write anything like it. But why write if you can't be honest?

I hope this helped more than just me. But if it didn't, at least it was finally said. And for me... Right now... That's all that mattered. 

I Don't Like Us Church Folk

 

I don’t mean to sound rude or judgmental.  I don’t even mean to sound arrogant or better than anyone else.

Because I’m guilty.

You’re guilty.

I’m willing to bet we are all guilty.

 

I’ve grown up in church. I was even raised by pastors. And, though I wouldn’t call myself an expert I wouldn’t call myself an amateur when it comes to church culture and how we do things.

As I grew up I paid a lot of attention to the people that I associated myself with. If I was going to be different than everyone around me at school I needed to know why I was the same as the people that “claimed me as their own” at church.

From a child until now I’m rarely proud to be categorized as a “church goer” and sometimes I’m even LESS proud to be categorized as a “Christian.”

Now, wait. I know what’s about to happen. You’re about to put on your religious hat and think “How dare this woman- a minister at that- say she isn’t proud to be a CHRISTIAN. That heathen.” Here's the thing... I’m SO proud to be associated to and linked with Jesus. I’m even proud to be an outcast for my faith- as difficult as that can be at times. So before you go gettin all judge-y on me. Hear me out.

I figured the best way to go about describing us Church Going people in a way that highlights my observations and dislikes is to make a list.

I’ve got 6 main topics that really just irk my nerves.

Let’s dive in…

               1.We “Church Folks” don’t like looking in mirrors. We only look through windows.

Think about it. We will stand at a window and look out at everyone going about their             life and we will be the first to point fingers. We can spot peoples flaws from miles away and then we broadcast them before those people even know what hit them. We will condemn people; tell them they have no place in the Kingdom or even no place to teach us anything. But if we were to look at ourselves as the proverbial house and we walked through it- we don’t own a single mirror. Or if we do it’s dusty and covered in filth at best. Because when faced with our humanity (or to put it more honestly- our SIN) we don’t want to see it. It’s easier for us to throw stones at those passing by then acknowledge we are just as flawed. Maybe not in the same way, but we are.

2.We compete for Jesus’ affection. And we have the nerve to think we win.

This one gets me. And I’ve been guilty of it more times than I can count. We think there are qualifiers for the love of Jesus and if we look at our Sunday School Gold Star Chart that keeps track of us brining our tithes and offerings, how many visitors we bring to church, that we carry our bible with us wherever we go, and we even dress the most holy, we have WON the love of God.

Sometimes it’s so bad in our little “community” we will look at the people standing next to us on Sundays and we will highlight all of the things they aren’t doing right and it will just add fuel to our fire. Our hearts sing a song to God of selfishness and false humility. And we think He is proud.

I almost want to post a scripture here to prove that this doesn’t work-but honestly I could open the Bible to almost any story and show that God loves everyone but His eyes are on the humble. He chooses the most broken and unqualified. He chooses the ones that probably have the fewest amounts of those gold stars by their name on the Sunday School Chart. Jesus loves the dirty and unqualified. You know why?

They need Him. And they KNOW it.

They know that there is nothing they can do to earn His love and that it’s given FREELY. And they relish in that freedom. And are changed by it.

3. We are better than everyone else (even though yesterday we were as filthy as the one we judge)

This one I was almost tempted not to put because it seemed redundant. But, I’m putting it anyway. Ya can’t stop me.

As self-explanatory as this is, I feel the need to add some detail. I’ve noticed a pattern in Christians that when we get saved we forget the level of grace it really took to save us. And we will look at people who actively struggle with their sin after they make a declaration of faith and we deny them the privilege of a process. I’ve also found that the SIN we magnify in others is the very sin that we have struggled with ourselves.

We gotta give grace in the process people. We don’t have it all together. We may not struggle with all the things we started off with. But we are still struggling. And how we measure grace is how it will be measured back to us. 

4. We think we are qualified.

I’ll keep this simple. We AREN’T.

We will never measure up by our merit. EVER!

And that’s great news! I’m not qualified but God still chooses me. So I don’t have to do things perfectly. I still walk in grace. And my disqualifications point back to a Savior that chooses me anyway.

Relish in not being good enough. Let Jesus handle being perfect. He’s got than one down pat! 

5. We rate sin.

From what I’ve observed… we Christians have a grading scale of sin.

Alcohol= bad

Gossip= disguised as prayer request (no grade needed)

See what I did there? ;)

It seems as though the sins that carry the most weight are the ones people can see.

But I challenge you with this… I say that the sins we can’t see carry the most consequences. Not that they are worse, necessarily, but that they create the most casualties.

Let me explain. Someone goes out and buys and smokes crack. That’s pretty bad, I can’t lie. But, really, at the end of the day that guy’s struggle really only affects him and his family.

Now, say that guy has a twin brother who is actively involved with church/ministry. Never does drugs or drinks alcohol or never steals BUT he exaggerates the truth (*ahem* lies) and he talks about everyone and their momma’s best friends cousins baby daddy’s nephew. He has created an impossible situation for that person he talks about and could seriously destroy any hope that that individual (or anyone connected to that string of gossip) would ever step foot in a church.

Who has done the most damage.

My opinion? (Thanks for asking…)

Sins of the heart are much more detrimental to our faith and the credibility of the church as a whole than a man or a woman struggling with addictions, sexual identity, or lustful thoughts.

1 Samuel 16:7 says “ the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

6. Last but not least: We will probably get mad at this post because it shows that our righteousness pretty much sucks.

We Christians, church folks, whatever you want to call us… we are pretty messed up. We just don’t like to be reminded.

Let’s embrace the freedom that comes with grace, mercy, and love. For ourselves and for everyone connected to the faith.

 

I know this post is harsh. But if God is going to kick my butt I’m not taking the reprimand alone. A community of believers is a beautiful thing. We are supposed to work together, worship together, live life together, and work through things- TOGETHER.

Let’s take off this false righteousness the world see’s us wear and put on the righteousness of Christ. The one that compels us to love deeper and forgive often.

Our faith was never meant to make life cushy. It was to push us to strive to dig into the dirty places in people and help bring hope and life and never make them feel bad for being dirty.

Let’s make church and Christianity something to be proud of again. Let’s make it look like Jesus.

 

I want to end with this-

 

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." Phil. 3:12-14 The Message