"... Would I tell you how my eyes haven't been as blue since i last saw you or that, really, the sky hasn't been the right shade either... actually the sun hasn't been bright and the stars lost their twinkle. I think they've missed you with me..."
Danielle Craig
It's been a little over a week now, and honestly I've tried everything I could do to pretend that what I'm about to type isn't real life. But it is, and here we are, and she is worth writing about.
Sixteen years ago I was in the back seat of a car as we drove up to a Japanese restaurant somewhere near Houston, Tx. My life had already changed in every way and I was anxious to see the new people I was going to be growing up and sharing my life with in my new normal.
And there she was. One years old, beautiful brown hair, and captivating brown eyes. I knew she would be my favorite. That she would help heal my heart after the loss of my momma. Man, was I right.
It took her about three days to warm up to me. She wasn't sure about this new little girl living in her home but one day she decided I was in, I was okay... and she never left me alone again. Ha!
Her favorite thing was to follow me around the house and say "Inna hold you, Inna hold you!" Really she just wanted ME to hold her. So, my little eight year old self would tote her around from room to room. She was my baby-doll. Spoiled rotten, but definitely my favorite.
We grew up together, she and I. As time went on she started sleeping in my bed, taking over my TV, and never letting me have a moment to myself. Good grief could that child crawl under my skin, but goodness was she funny. She hated homework and typically it was my job to help her, she always wanted me to do it for her and when I wouldn't she would say she wasn't my friend anymore. That lasted up until I was heading to my room and she wanted to come watch Disney Channel or George of the Jungle (I will never know why she insisted on watching that movie on repeat). When it was bath or shower time she would make her way to my shower and hop right in- I had no say so apparently. She was cute, and if she wanted to be around you- buddy there was nothing you could do about it. Most nights she would sleep with me and never wanted to actually fall asleep. As weird as this is she would sometimes start digging in my belly button and when I would say ouch she would get real close to my ear and whisper "It's ackay, it's ackay, it's ackay." (it's okay). And then she would just laugh like it was the most hilarious thing ever.
As we got older and I moved out she was still the thing that I held most precious. I used to always tell her that whatever I had or wherever I was she always had full access to my life. If I could offer it then it was hers. She meant so much to me... I think she knew it.
As she got into her teen years she would talk to me about boys, culinary school, and looking forward to driving and graduating. She was what others would call a normal teenage girl. But not to those of us who were closest to her. She was beautiful and radiated a light so bright that it would captivate you. And if she loved you she loved you hard, she was loyal, and you couldn't shake her.
I don't know a pretty way to talk about how last Monday, September 29, 2014 the world, and my heart, lost one of the most magical lights it's ever known. My loudest hearts cry is that it's a dream or there could be a hidden rewind button on life. My head doesn't want to believe that Moriah Carrie Christy, that beautiful brown eyed beauty isn't going to be calling me when I'm on my way to Tallahassee because she is anxious for our arrival. Or isn't going to argue with me or laugh with me or be there for anymore big life events.
I miss her so much. Her whole family does. But I've learned something since the call that caused us to rush to the hospital to say goodbye to that babygirl...
Life is short, and not worth the effort it takes to hold offenses or drama. If you love someone let them know. Let the realization that you never know when your goodbye is going to come be the thing that causes you to say "Enough is enough." Let it cause you to let go of hurts and embrace the ones around you that you love. Move forward, never looking back.
Moriah said it beautifully, "Family is everything."
I'm thankful for her heart and the innocence that she had. She changed my whole life. I can't imagine ever not missing her but I'm confident I'll see her again.
Until then, I'm going to love hard. Let go of the junk, and embrace the beauty that came from a life that called out for love- whatever it cost.
If you didn't know Moriah, I'm sorry to hear. But her story isn't over and her life will still impact the world. Because those of us who held her close won't let her light go.
So, here's to a beautiful life. Moriah Carrie Christy, you were everything my heart needed. I'll love you always. See you soon.