It would appear that I've been quiet, but I can assure you that inside my head I haven't been. In fact I've been chattier there than ever before. I thought I was doing you a favor by sparing you the rantings, musings, or random thoughts that would pop up- and maybe to some extent I was- but now I think you should know what I've learned. You can thank me later.
Sometimes things can get a little crazy. I used to like the analogy that life is like a roller coaster... full of twists, turns, reverses, and catapults. Now I don't think that adequately describes things. I haven't found a more appropriate analogy yet, though. I'll keep you posted- because I think you deserve something more clever, something with depth and majesty. Something that will bring joys to life and something that puts hurts to death.
I've learned and observed some things these past few months. Easily the most learning I've ever had to do in such a condensed amount of time. I've always been part of the school of thought that doesn't want to learn things the hard way. I'd rather learn from someone else's mistakes and do better (or at least try.) Hopefully you will join me in that classroom today- learn from me. It will make our Pastors lives easier and their counseling schedule more free. I'll probably even get some Thank- You notes if you do.
Here are the 5 things I've learned about Life, Love, and Bills.
1. Life will never look like what you expect.
That sounds obvious, right? Totally!! On paper.... Think about it, though. We lay out some incredible plans, typically with the best intentions, and it just goes to the toilet most of the time. It's not always negative. Sometimes it turns out better than anticipated. But sometimes.... OHHHH sometimes... it goes horribly wrong.
You know what...
That's okay.
Life is better when we aren't relying on our own abilities, ideas, or merits. At my best I'm not good enough. I think failures or set backs happen to remind us that God is infallible and in my fallible-ness (I know it's not a word. Just go with it) I NEED Him. My life goes beyond Him being cool, or a nice addition to my business card. He IS my business card. I can't do a single thing without Him. I'm working so hard at letting my set-backs push me to Him. I need them to mean something. He is the only one who can ensure they will.
2. Your life isn't meant to look like someone else's.
Again, totally obvious. Yet, if you are anything like me (and I'm betting you kind of are) you compare. Whether it's looks, talents, finances, things... Someone has it and you want it or you have it and realize you are a step ahead of someone else. I have a major issue with this one. My brain is on hyper drive 98% of the time (that's a conservative estimate) and I get so frustrated when I see people who have been at life and business and ministry significantly longer than me so far ahead of where I am. I see people my age financially secure, with their own house, babies, and taking trips to Disney and I think... What about me?! And then I look around and, in an effort to make me feel better, I assess the people who are not as stable and motivated as me.
That can't be where my sense of identity and affirmation comes from. I am made incredibly and wonderfully and it's okay that I am where I am. Not because I'm ahead of you or because I'm behind you but because I'm where I need to be. I'm pursuing my purpose. My life is a continual unfolding of Jesus' love story for me and God pursuit for my affection. If my life looked like yours or yours mine it would mean God didn't tailor make a journey that was just for me. I want Him to be personal to me- so I don't want to look like you. We should be cool with that.
3. Love really hurts...
Basically, love isn't a love story or a perfect family picture. Love, if done correctly, hurts. It stings, and it sacrifices. I've learned that sometimes love is biting my tongue, it's putting down the sword and healing the 'enemy', love is someone else's good at my expense.
Swallowing my pride and being willing to not fight for being right has always been a struggle for me. Especially when it comes to righteousness. But, what if righteousness is turning away wrath. What if righteousness is a hug and not a punch. What if righteousness is listening instead of correcting? If I've learned anything about the loving nature of God it's this- He doesn't have to demand to be right. He just is. So, His affection provokes my heart to change... not His anger. If that's how He changes me... I'm betting that's how we will change the world. That's a tough pill to swallow.
4. Love is awesome...
Do I sound a little bi-polar? Probably... But hear me out. Love, when done well moves your heart to a a place of such compassion that it unlocks that thing that we were created to do. My love for babies and children has moved my heart towards their moms and dads to help bring healing and wholeness to a family. My love for teenagers has pushed me to do things that hurt my heart after losing Moriah- and my heart grew with depths of love for teenagers in a way that I didn't know possible. It's a painful love- but it's moved it in ways that make life more meaningful. So... Love is awesome.
5. Bills are annoyingly teachable...
That is the biggest duh I have ever typed. I don't like owing people things. I don't like being in debt. And I sure don't like not having the money to pay things and feel constantly on the verge of losing things. But, God has used them in a crazy way. He has taught us His faithfulness, the truth of counting the cost, and the beauty that is His people. Sometimes people lie and don't follow through. But sometimes people are His hands. I don't know why God chooses to teach the way He does but bills make me go into the proverbial courtroom and remind Him of His promise and He always delivers. Typically a last minute ruling but His timing is worth waiting on. I hope I continue to learn to trust Him more and embrace the shaky ground. He reminds me He is steady enough to hold it all.
I still don't know the analogy that describes life. But whatever it is, God is at the center. He teaches through big things and small things. He loves us best and makes life worth it. He covers everything and His grace and mercy really is new every morning. I probably will never understand all of His majesty but I will continue to seek His heart. Because He passionately loves me and I am captivated by His grace.
I hope my lessons helped you. I know they've changed me- in more ways than I can number.