An Open Letter to my Enemy

Good morning.

I'm sure that you are a little shocked to see your bags by the door. I do apologize for not giving you any notice but, you see, you argue far too much and convince me that I NEED you to stay. I've been thinking about it for some time now and last night while you were working on your latest project I neatly packed up everything you've brought with you to this relationship.

I've allowed you to come into my home for some time now. I believed the things you sold to me as fact that made me believe you were an assett to my well-being. I made you coffee, talked to you everyday, watched  my movies with you, and even invited you to bed with my husband and myself. I never realized you weren't listening- you were plotting the next phase in my destruction.

You are no friend. Not at all. You are my enemy. You just dressed up really pretty.

I've made sure to pack EVERYTHING you brought with you. I wanted to be sure you had no reason to drop by again. Feel free to search the suitcase somewhere else. But trust me, it's all gone.

The first thing I packed was Fear. I needed it gone first because that thing tried to convince me that I should be afraid of life without you. I'll give you this- you made Fear look like safety and a neccessary reality. But, dear Enemy, you are sadly mistaken. I allowed Fear to paralyze me. It made me afraid of failing. But it also made me afraid of success. It made me afraid of new relationships and it made me afraid to lose relationships. It made me afraid to leave my house, but it also made me afraid that I would be stuck in this house forever. I understand why Fear was one of the first things you brought out. He was the cement that glued you to me. He made me scared of life without you.
He had to leave first.

Next I packed up Inferiority. You handed me that like it was a hamock for me to swing in. Just like a hamock, I couldn't let go of Inferiority easily-but I didn't want to because it made me comfortable. Inferiority told me that no one would like me, much less love me, and they wouldn't want anything I had to offer. Inferiority made me complacent. I never moved forward and I didn't move backwards. I just laid there and blamed everyone else for the lies you made me believe.
I can't keep him, as comfortable as he may be. Inferiority isn't helping me at all. You will find him in your suitcase as well. 

My favorite one to pack is one of the newest things you brought in to our relationship. Unforgiveness. That guy went kicking and screaming. I've never seen a tantrum quite so... ridiculous? He fought me so hard and tried to cling to my leg, my shirt, anything he could grab. Just like a toddler throwing a tantrum. That makes sense, though. Because Unforgiveness made ME look like a toddler throwing  a tantrum.
Enemy, here is what I realized. People are just people. They are going to mess up and hurt eachother everyday. The key is to remember that THEY don't control how their hurt affects us. I control how they affect me. Unforgiveness made me believe that I was somehow winning in the battle of hurt because I would never let those people back in and I would tell EVERYONE how awful and despicable and wretched those people actually are. But, I don't want to do that. Because no matter how justified my hurt is Jesus loves them as much as He loves me. Unforgiveness put a blindfold on me and hid me from the thing I was sent here to love- people. I think I'm going to miss Unforgiveness least of all. His messes and tanntrums were exhausting to keep up with. Life without him already feels so much nicer.

I also packed depression. He sulked his way into the bag when he realized the roots that invited him in were already gone. He didn't have much to cling to. Once Fear and Inferiority were comfortably in the bag- Depression just tucked itself between them. It made me smile to see him go. I don't think I'm going to miss him at all.

I also packed Lack. That guy was the heaviest of all. I'm assuming it's because of all of the things he stole while he was here. You should know I took all of those back- they don't belong to you so please don't come looking for them. I took back relationships, finances, peace, joy, and excitement for my purpose. That greedy Lack tried to take all of the good stuff. I don't like thiefs in my home and that's all Lack did was steal.

You will see that there isn't anything of yours left here. And before you call to try and tell me that I have available space and it's wrong to kick you out- I don't. I have already filled the space that you and your friends left.

In your place you will find Jesus (apparently he was just stopping by to visit but because I let you live here he had no room to fully unpack).
I love all of the things He brought with Him. It's all of the things you didn't have but everything I truly needed.

He brought love. Love keeps fear away because perfect love kicks fear out. He brought more love for my husband, family, and friends. He also brought more love for my purpose. He brought love for people... and with Jesus all people are easy to love. Because compared to Him we suck and if He could love me, well, I could love anyone.

He also brought significance. To Him I am worth more than I know. He tells me that I matter and that what I'm supposed to do here on the earth is important. With you gone I can hear AND believe Him now.

He also brought Forgiveness. Forgiveness is much more mature than Unforgiveness. He came in first and forgave me- for harboring all of the hateful thoughts I was carrying, and then Forgiveness helped me forgive others. He was gentle and patient but He helped me see people as people.
Forgiveness taught me that Mercy was here to cover my mistakes or moments where I struggle, but that Grace came to hold my hand and help me hand out Mercy to others.

Jesus also unpacked Joy. When we saw Joy we just laughed and laughed because, with Joy, even on the hardest day I am thankful. Joy came with Peace. I like her. She settled the uneasyness of letting you go, Enemy. She walked through my house and every area of stress she dissolved. Peace is my new hamock. She allows me to rest and be encompassed by her but then she motivates me to get up and do something. I think I'm going to like our relationship.

Jesus unpacked so many things. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Endurance, Forgiveness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control. These guys all came in and are working as a team.

So, Enemy, I'm happy to say that you have to go now. And please never return. You will surely not be missed.

Your's truly,
Danielle Craig

Who are You REALLY??

For just a minute I need you to do something for me.

I want you to pretend to look in a mirror. I want you to stand there and look at yourself and think of all of the things that you say you are. Think of all of the postives, whether that be looks, intelligence, skill sets, etc. I want you to think of all of the negatives, maybe too heavy or too thin, maybe internal negatives- I'm dishonest at times, or I'm not very clean and organized. Think of the roles you play. Perhaps you are a mom or a dad, sister or brother, pastor or teacher, business person or day laborer. Now think of the roles you signed up for, something like a mentor or spiritual father/mother. Maybe a friend to the person who has no friends. Maybe you volunteer in the community or you're an advocate for racial tensions to be ending.

Have you gotten all of YOU in the picture yet?? Now hold those thoughts....

Some of the things that we see in the mirror come easy to us. We each have something that falls into all of those categories, but some really come super easy.

Some of us were born to be a spouse. We just rock that role like nobodies business. But others of us didn't grow up understanding what a functional marriage looks like so we have to work a tooshies off to learn to be a better wife/husband.

I'd say we all have several things in our negative categories. Some of us aren't aware of our flaws often so we don't work on them. Some of us are exceptionally aware of our negative qualities and we work on self improvement.

A lot of us fail to look at positives. But, dearies, they are there. You HAVE a lot of positive qualities. Embrace those bad boys. Now, don't get big headed and arrogant (which sometimes is easy to do when we realize how awesome we really are... lol) but seriously- embrace the good things about yourself. Jesus does.

The category I really want to focus on today, though. The one that I think is overlooked most and probably affects the most people- the roles we sign up for.

I think we (meaning humanity as a whole) are really flippant about things we say we are willing to be for other people. Whether it be people as in a person or people as in a community or a nation.

I want to pose a question: Are we who we tell people we are.

I wonder, even upon self evaluation, am I telling people who I WILL be to them or who I WANT them to think/see me being to them.

If anyone has read the post Coffee With Mom you know that I lost my mom. You also know that there is a void in my heart for a mother figure. I've had women who have heard that story and told me they felt like God (or themselves) was leading them to be a mother to me...

They are long gone now. Do you know that the most hurtful thing is when those people, even though they meant well, didn't follow through with their words. My heart still aches (and in some cases still holds anger) towards those women.

But it happens all the time. We volunteer to fill holes and roles in peoples lives without really considering if we will be consistent and follow through and live out FULLY the commitment we make.

Now, here is my challenge: BE who you say you will be for people. If people are accepting you in a certain role in their life it's most likely because there is a void there. If you can't be faithful to that void... don't offer to fill it. Offer what you CAN and are WILLING to do.

Second challenge. If you find that you've made commitments to people to be something they needed and you realize you can't or haven't been faithful to that commitment- apologize. Through text/phone call/over coffee. Because, most likely, they've already noticed you haven't honored your word. Be a positive part of their life and healing process. And by simply acknowledging our humanity we can change a hurt to a learning and healing moment.

So to all my advocates, spiritual parents, mentors, and community leaders- thanks for what you do. May we all work harder to be better in these rolls and be more consistent and honest about who we are and who we can be to others.

Have you ever made commitments to fill roles in peoples lives and fallen through? Have you ever been with the person with the void that wasn't filled? How has that affected you?

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