Uh, God... You're Late.

Today I find myself opposite of where I thought I would be.
I’m writing about the opposite of what I have been planning on writing on this day.
And I feel different about that fact than I thought I would.

Four years ago today I had an experience that changed my life. At the time I was with another guy who I intended to marry. And I was pregnant. We were driving into Pensacola with his family for the day. Those were normally pretty fun trips.
There was something SO different happening to me, though. See, no one knew I was pregnant and I couldn’t just tell them how I was feeling. But I felt miserable.
Without going into a lot of details, I miscarried that day. In a public restroom. And I couldn’t tell anyone.
For several months I carried the pain of knowing what I had lost… And the isolation I felt because no one could comfort me.
It was hard- and when people finally found out their words made it harder.

I’ve never had the intention of telling that story publically. It’s not something that is pleasant to talk about… or hear about for that matter.

But in order for me to explain where I’m at you had to know where I came from to get here.

I’ve been married now for a year. BEST YEAR EVER! God has done some tremendous things in and for us. That being said, I was believing him for something specific. For about 6 months my husband and I have had the hopes of announcing a new baby on the way.

I believed in February we would be making that announcement.
I had a blog in mind specifically for announcing how God makes everything beautiful just in time. How He turned my place of sorrow and hurt into a place of rejoicing.

This month has been slightly different than I expected it to be. At the beginning of the month I held my friends hand as her body miscarried her baby. I was humbled at the grace that she was given to walk through it. She has been so strong through her process. I truly look up to her.

Then, a week ago today (after already realizing I wasn’t pregnant), my husband and I went to a follow up appointment of mine to look at an ultra sound I had done several months ago.

The news was quite disappointing. Without going into a lot of detail they told me there was a chance that it could be difficult for Cyler and I to conceive. Because of what’s going in my body things aren't functioning the way there are supposed to.

I broke.

I didn’t want to have to walk through that battle. It sounds selfish (and honestly it is) but I’ve seen the emotional roller coaster it can be and I was angry that I was being buckled in to that ride.

I feel very different today. I gave myself a few days to really think about everything… and honestly even though I’m on the other side of my promise of children- I still have that promise. Nothing a doctor says or my body does can change the fact that God promised babies. I’ve dreamt of them and been given words about them and I will meet them.

This month has made my faith stronger. It’s given me perspective. And it’s caused me to activate a level of faith and trust that I haven’t had to tap into for a while.

Before conceived my children are already making me a better person.

I can’t wait for the announcement. But until then, I’ll wait and pray and enjoy the process.

I know we have each been in places where we are looking at the opposite of what we are believing, hoping, and even fasting for. God still makes things beautiful- JUST IN TIME. And the beautiful thing about that is that he is making the process beautiful as well.

Learn about God in your wait. It will make your relationship so much richer when you finally get your promise.
A
nd that makes the wait worth it.


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Oops, I did it again.

I've made an uh oh.
An oopsie.
A biiiig mistake.

Probably not disastrous, and probably one that is relatable to many other people. But, still. If I'm being honest- I'm a little bummed about this.

See... Here's what happened.

Last year I was trying to lay strategies for this year. I wanted to make a big impact on 2014 so I figured the best way to go about that was to set goals- BIG goals.

And man did I set a lot.

The secret is, I haven't accomplished ANY of the goals I set. As in, I haven't even started and I think they may have been really unrealistic.

I was planning to start January enrolled full time in classes to begin the journey of becoming a nurse (that has since changed... but I'll tell you all about that later), I was going to have a new post on the blog every day of the week, I was going to join the gym, I was going to eat healthier. I was probably going to make world peace, thankfully I didn't write that down. This would be a much more serious post if I had.

I know all of those goals were wonderful and challenging and exactly what I (emphasis on I) wanted for this year, and some of them are still completely doable, but others just aren't happening at this point.

I felt the need to apologize for making public goals, and then not completing them (or not even starting them for that matter) so I suppose you can take this as an apology if you need it...

But, I think there was some good in it-at least for me. And maybe the good that I've found can encourage you.

No, I haven't blogged everyday so far this year (actually I haven't blogged at all but who is keeping track), I haven't worked out or joined a gym, I haven't started school yet, and I haven't given the world peace... but here is what I've done.

I've rested. I've spent time with my husband and together we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. I've spent time with friends. I've taken trips. I've created long term goals that are reasonable to set and can be accomplished with the resources I have available. I've done a lot in a little over a month.

I was intentional.

Just not intentional about the things I thought were important a few months ago.

I love this blog and I love my readers... but the thing about it that I love the most is it isn't a chore. It isn't a job. It's a place for me to process my thoughts and maybe help a few others along the way.

I don't want that to change.

So, here is my new goal with this blog.

To enjoy it. To share with it. And to talk to you (whoever or however many you are).

Here's the thing, goals are important. But so is making sure you have time to spend on the real important things- people.

Maybe I should have made people my resolution this year. To build them up, to love them, and to share life with them.

I hope that I continue to do THAT all year long.


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I'd love to hear from you guys!

Click here to like the facebook page: http://tinyurl.com/ls6od7h

Click here to follow the page on twitter: https://twitter.com/DaniCraig_BDS

And email Blazing Destiny's Sidewalk here: BlazingDestinysSidewalk@gmail.com