Coffee with Mom

All week I was rushing around the house making sure all of my work was done and the house looked perfect.

I hadn't seen my mom in a while and she hadn't seen our little cottage yet so I wanted to make sure she saw it the way we did. Homey and peaceful.
I don't know why I stressed though, she is my mom. She would be fine hanging out with me just about anywhere... but still. I wanted her to be proud.

Saturday morning rolled around. My last day of 23. I knew when Mom got here we would laugh and talk about everything that happened the past year and talk about goals for 24. That's what a good mom does, she keeps you motivated and moving forward.

So... I woke up, got dressed, made a pot of coffee and then I heard the knock. Right on time. That's why I love her.

I opened the door and even though I wanted her to see the house... all she saw was me. She hugged me and held me for a while. Like I said, we haven't seen each other for quite some time now. Eventually she let go and with a huge smile she said "Everything is perfect. And you look so happy." I am.

She came in and and we cozied up on the couch with coffee in hand and we caught up. Her mostly asking all the questions.

"How is Cyler?"
"How is your job?"
"How is church going?"

Basic questions.. but goodness they meant the WORLD to me hearing them from her.

There was so much relief having her on my couch. Because I knew... I just knew that she loved me and celebrated me. What person doesn't want that on their birthday?

We talked and talked... She asked me about what I loved most and liked least about 23. I told her I loved getting married. I've shared a whole year with someone who is a daily example of Christ's unwavering love for me. I've not experienced anything like that my whole life. I told her my least favorite thing was the loss of some close relationships in my life. That, although I knew God held my heart, the sting of people choosing to walk away hurts more than I could say.

She was wonderful because I saw joy in my joy, but heartache because her baby girl was hurt. Her words were so encourgaing... "Love surrounds you babygirl... Stop looking at where it's not... because you're world is full of love."

She's right.

I didn't want her to leave. I tried to keep telling her things just so she would sit on the couch with me a little longer. I told her about my book and the inspiration behind it. I told her about the blog and how much it has helped me. I told her about the people that I'm closest to.. and the ones I miss. I just kept talking.

But I knew she had to go. She held me tight again.

"You're beautiful, Dani. I'm proud of you not because you've done or haven't done anything. I'm proud because you're my daughter. I love you with all my heart."

And then she left.

.................


If anyone knows me well.. you know how much I wish the story above was true.

I lost my mom when I was 8 years old. And as I was approaching a new year... the ache for her was stronger than ever. I don't have stable parent figures in my life. I am thankful to have been raised by my Aunt and Uncle... but the ache for a dad and especially a mom is strongest at this time in my life.

I think of starting a life with my husband, having kids, the accomplishments that I'm making... and even tough times that are sure to come. And I wish she could be here for them.

But, I started thinking (thanks to my sister/cousin Tisha) about what coffee with her would be like. What would she say if she saw me right where I am.

And Saturday morning for my birthday I did just that. And what you read above is how I pictured it.

23 was a wonderful year... It was full of God fulfilling promises and it was full of neccessary seperation so I could move forward.

I rarely understand why my mom had to go when I was so young. But, Saturday... the day before 24... I understood another piece of that puzzle.

See, I don't have a mom. Or a dad. My whole life, the words I've imagined my mom saying has been the comforting voice of God. He's been my mom and my dad. And He is so good at it.

I know if my mom could see me... she would say those things and so much more. And even though I don't hear them audibly... I hear those words all the time.

I'm thankful for a personal God. On joyous days and in sombering moments. He's a great mom.


I think I'll have coffee with Him everymorning. He makes me better... and loves me best.

So... Peace out 23!! Hello 24!! Let's get this year started!!