Constants and Changes and the Constant Change

I am shocked! I haven't written in almost 2 weeks! Between the flu, date nights, a crazy work load, and getting ready for some upcoming events at the church I just didn't make time for it. But I wouldn't change the past 2 weeks for anything (except the flu-we can do away with the flu).

With all that said, I'm not writing about any of those things today. Oh no... there are much more important topics to discuss. So let's dive in, shall we??

2 years ago today was one of the most significant days of my life. I met my husband. He was distracted and doesn't even remember meeting me but I remember. I knew, but didn't know all at the same time, how significant that day was leading up to the trip to Macclenny. But never did I realize the thing I had been praying most for was sitting in that church building with me the whole time.

I wasn't praying for a husband necessarily, what I wanted came from something I'd lacked for a very long time.

Stability.

I grew up with amazing people. They took me in when my parents weren't able and they raised me. My uncle taught the importance of discipleship and developing a relationship with Jesus. A lot of times he was the closest thing to a dad I'd ever seen.

But my time with them wasn't always stable. I know it wasn't their intentions and I try not to fault them- I wasn't their child and I wasn't "supposed" to be with them forever. I can't imagine that burden. As a child, though, I longed for something stable. Something that, when I stepped foot somewhere, I didn't have to worry about the ground caving in and needing to scramble to find something or somewhere else. To know that at the end of the day someone loved me and someone wanted me. That idea meant safety to me. 

2 years later I can say God answered that prayer better than I could have expected. Cyler and this community have become the things that my heart was crying out for. I look around everyday and realize life feels so different than it did for me growing up. 

Cyler has become my constant and that is more of something than anything I've ever had. I'm grateful.

But that leads me to changes-

Because apparently God brought stability so I would be more willing for and feel safe in the changes.

So here is the announcement from the Craig household.

Cyler and I are going back to school.

We are keeping our jobs (of course) but my goal is to start in January and his is to start hopefully in June.

I'll be pursuing a nursing degree which is something that I've wanted to do since I graduated high-school. Life is finally to a point where I can confidently and STABILY complete that goal! I'm beyond excited!!

I'm thankful for a God who has the foresight to hold our hand as we walk through what we see as chaos and craziness. I look back and see how every disappointment, scary moment, and heartbreak was so necessary to get me here. To make me who I am. And to make me appreciate what I have (and don't have).

I don't know everything that's coming but I'm confident in this- it will be constant changes on a stable foundation. 

I can handle that!

Say What?!

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

I can remember being taught that song by kindergarten teachers, parents, older cousins... It was the anthem on the playground in elementary school. And boy did I have to use it A LOT...

One of the WORST things anyone ever said about me on that playground was about how I had a crush on the snotty nosed freckled boy who always cried for his mom. It was devastating... because I liked the blonde headed tan boy who always got in trouble.

Kids are so cruel.

Thinking back though, I remember kids throwing sticks and hitting me (conflict resolution for a 6 year old is pretty dangerous) and honestly... I don't remember what 99% of those fights were about... But I remember when someone started the rumor about me liking the nerdy boy so vividly... I'm still mad at the little girl who started it. Jerk.I think she just wanted him all to herself. Whatevs...

Words hurt... dangit. Words hurt A LOT!

Those wounds and mean words stuck with me for so long... Did you know that some people stopped being my friend all because of a lie? And I hurt the little freckled boys feelings because I had to loudly exclaim 'NUH UH!! I DON'T LIKE HIIIIIIIM!!" And then the boy that I liked never talked to me again and he lived on my street so that was a big deal.

You know what?! Sometimes I still feel like that little girl on the playground.

I hear stories about me that have been passed around to SOO MANY people before I catch wind of it and it has caused broken relationships, people placing a false identity/or character make-up of me. In some circles... words have ruined my reputation.

And you know what I've learned?! Most of what was said... it was a lie. Not even an ounce of truth.

So much damage just to have a little bit of juicy gossip about someone else.

Growing up in the church I remember so many sermons about stealing, and drugs, sex before marriage, and lying.

But rarely gossip.

You know which of those sins I've seen do the most damage?

Gossip.

I was thinking about it today- people THRIVE off of gossip. Because if I can tell someone about someone else's junk (real or made up) I don't look as bad to the people I'm talking to.

But if you look behind you on the path that the gossip train paved- there are way too many casualties.

I know I've bought into the gossip train way too many times to count. I've hurt so many and threw daggers at my fair share of reputations...

But why?? It didn't benefit me... and you know what I learned??

"Those who gossip to you will gossip about you."

And we get SO mad when the gossip is turned back on us. Have you ever had someone gossip about you saying that you were gossiping??? Imagine the confusion when you try to get angry with a person for doing what you did. Honestly... that's what you just have to work out with Jesus because then we would have to wrestle with being a hypocrite- and that's a whole other post. Lol

Here's my point- Words hurt worse than a physical beating.

If Jesus himself said that he didn't come into the world to condemn it but to love it- I don't think we should feel the right to do more than Him. John 3:17

And if you feel the need to talk about someone... speak truth about them. I don't mean FACTS about them... I mean truth. If you're wondering what that is... Check out this math equation.

God= Love  1 John 4:8

God= Jesus John 10:30

Love= Jesus= the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life John 14:6

So if all of those are the same thing...

Truth= the Way, Life, and ultimately Jesus.

So... Truth= Love

So, when trying to figure out what the truth is about someone ask yourself this:

• Does what I'm saying show someone the way to walk? Are my words a positive example of a disciple of Jesus?
• Do my words speak life to and over someone? Or am I cursing them and speaking death?
• Do I sound like Jesus? Am I speaking out of the love that's mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13? Or am I trying to be the judge and the jury and throw condemnation towards the person I'm speaking about

Words hurt, my friends. And we are called to encourage and strengthen and empower ALL those around us. Not just friends, and family... but enemies as well.

So I leave you with these simple words-

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

That Time I was Going to Marry Tebow... And that Other Guy

Back in the day- when graduation and first time "real" jobs was the big concerns of my life- I was going to marry Tebow.

Why not?!

He was handsome, had money, a career, and he loved Jesus.

So... I was going to meet him and he was going to see me and realize "That's the girl I've been waiting for."

Laugh all you want but that was my reality. Because that was the "standard." The pinnacle of men-  guess you could say. And I was going to have the best because- well... have you met me?! ;)

And then.... I realized how silly I was. Not because it was impossible... but because OBVIOUSLY there was no history with this guy. I couldn't marry someone that I barely knew for such superficial reasons.

If I was going to be superficial then I at least had to know the guy.

So... there was the other guy.

He had all of the things that were listed above. As far as I could tell at least. And OH. MY. GOODNESS. if I didn't hear from all directions "God SO wants you guys to get married."

How confusing is that?! Honestly, as cool as I'm sure the guy was, he wasn't super friendly to me. I realized quickly that he and I shared something very similar- we both looked at pretty superficial things. And I didn't meet his qualifications.

But people were persistent and encouraged me to keep on waiting because I couldn't do any better. Be "picky" and you'll get the best.

Soon... I woke up- before wasting to much time on "God's" obvious choice.

ALL MY SINGLE LADIES- and gentleman- listen up. (Especially you folks in the church)

The above qualities (handsome, had money, a career) is not our standard. Those aren't our primary guidelines. But those are typically the areas we focus on FIRST and we'll deal with the spiritual side of things later.

God's obvious choice will come in the form of a man with who is "a man after God's heart."

His pursuit isn't money, women, fancy things, or even a career.

His pursuit is chasing and becoming more like the God who loved Him first. And is teaching him to pursue and love others. (Same goes to men looking for a wife)

I am blessed to have married a man that breaks all the molds that were created for and by me.

I saw his heart before I saw anything else. He was passionate about God and humility was part of his DNA.
He never once had to TELL me his character- I could see it. He walked in integrity and with a love that is rarely matched by the "average" man.

He-even though flawed- is such and example of the "manly" side of God.

Here's my point. I saw Jesus when I stopped looking at men. I saw Jesus when I saw Cyler.

I knew- without a shadow of a doubt- He was the man (or type of man) I wanted to marry.

And I lucked out because he IS handsome. He makes good money. He has a career.

But above all- He is a man after God's heart. When all of the above things fail there is no question that I will still choose to be with the man sitting next to me on the couch... because I chose him because he chooses Jesus.

Let's make sure our priorities are straight and we TRULY understand Gods standards in what we should look for in our spouse. Otherwise, we will find that our standards weren't good enough and we will come up short and most likely disappointed.

Sometimes Silence is the Loudest

I learned a tough lesson this past Sunday on my birthday. I was enjoying my day with the hubs as we went to Lake City and shopped at my FAVE store TJ Maxx, we went to lunch at Red Lobster (Steak and Lobster for this lady), and did a whole bunch of super random things just because I wanted to do them. Not to mention I got the sweetest gifts from some sweet people. Like... the plates I've been wanting for SOOOO long (thanks Tish, Josh, and Morgan). My sweet husband is making a vanity for the room so I can have my own little makeup/hair area (and maybe start another blog for crafts and tutorials). And I got to spend time with people that love me... like my Nana, and little cousins.

But, as much as I feel like a jerk for feeling this way... something was missing.

The day just didn't feel complete.

There were some people who are more important to my heart than I know how to express that didn't reach out to me. Some out of pride and stubberness... and some out of, from what I can tell, pure meaness. A couple were because (emotion talking) I wasn't a priority... or at least not enough of one.

I spent an hour at the end of the night on the couch crying to my husband. He cried with me. For a minute their silence was the loudest thing I had heard in a while. "You're not worth me." That's what I heard them say.

There are a lot of times I'm not the happiest with everyone in my life. That's normal in any relationship. But... even when the relationship doesn't FEEL worth it... they will hear from me on birthdays, special occasions... whatever.

That's what love is. That's what family is.

I felt and experienced, for the first time with these folks, a complete lack of love and importance.

It hit me hard in the face. And it stung.

OH GOSH did it sting.


But, it made me look at myself. I know I fail miserably in the love department all the time. At the end of my life I want people to be able to say-if nothing else- she loved well.

I've resolved to still love the people that purposefully or accidentally hurt me. I didn't want to. And at the moment I'd like to say that I have written them off. But I refuse to let them take a way the greatest thing I've been given- Love.

I'm loved much so I should love much.

I will pray for and bless those that hurt me. Not for their sake (although it will surely benefit them) but for mine. So I can love more.

I will wish them happy birthday and congratulate them on accomplishments and I will continue to miss them. I won't put up a wall. I won't block them out.

If God can choose to love me when I am unfaithful to Him regularly. If He can love me when I hurt Him and that love in turn produces something postive and beneficial in me then I know my love for others will do the same.

Proverbs 4:8 tells me that love covers a multitude of sin.

For 24- that's my resolution. Let the love I give cover a multitude of sin/offense/hurt.

At 24 I will love more than I ever have.


***I want to end this post off with this: My birthday was perfect. My husband and friends (who are more like family) and a few family members really went out of their way to make me feel SO important. This post is about a small lesson I learned on that day and in no way should reflect poorly on the day as a whole.***