I learned a tough lesson this past Sunday on my birthday. I was enjoying my day with the hubs as we went to Lake City and shopped at my FAVE store TJ Maxx, we went to lunch at Red Lobster (Steak and Lobster for this lady), and did a whole bunch of super random things just because I wanted to do them. Not to mention I got the sweetest gifts from some sweet people. Like... the plates I've been wanting for SOOOO long (thanks Tish, Josh, and Morgan). My sweet husband is making a vanity for the room so I can have my own little makeup/hair area (and maybe start another blog for crafts and tutorials). And I got to spend time with people that love me... like my Nana, and little cousins.
But, as much as I feel like a jerk for feeling this way... something was missing.
The day just didn't feel complete.
There were some people who are more important to my heart than I know how to express that didn't reach out to me. Some out of pride and stubberness... and some out of, from what I can tell, pure meaness. A couple were because (emotion talking) I wasn't a priority... or at least not enough of one.
I spent an hour at the end of the night on the couch crying to my husband. He cried with me. For a minute their silence was the loudest thing I had heard in a while. "You're not worth me." That's what I heard them say.
There are a lot of times I'm not the happiest with everyone in my life. That's normal in any relationship. But... even when the relationship doesn't FEEL worth it... they will hear from me on birthdays, special occasions... whatever.
That's what love is. That's what family is.
I felt and experienced, for the first time with these folks, a complete lack of love and importance.
It hit me hard in the face. And it stung.
OH GOSH did it sting.
But, it made me look at myself. I know I fail miserably in the love department all the time. At the end of my life I want people to be able to say-if nothing else- she loved well.
I've resolved to still love the people that purposefully or accidentally hurt me. I didn't want to. And at the moment I'd like to say that I have written them off. But I refuse to let them take a way the greatest thing I've been given- Love.
I'm loved much so I should love much.
I will pray for and bless those that hurt me. Not for their sake (although it will surely benefit them) but for mine. So I can love more.
I will wish them happy birthday and congratulate them on accomplishments and I will continue to miss them. I won't put up a wall. I won't block them out.
If God can choose to love me when I am unfaithful to Him regularly. If He can love me when I hurt Him and that love in turn produces something postive and beneficial in me then I know my love for others will do the same.
Proverbs 4:8 tells me that love covers a multitude of sin.
For 24- that's my resolution. Let the love I give cover a multitude of sin/offense/hurt.
At 24 I will love more than I ever have.
***I want to end this post off with this: My birthday was perfect. My husband and friends (who are more like family) and a few family members really went out of their way to make me feel SO important. This post is about a small lesson I learned on that day and in no way should reflect poorly on the day as a whole.***
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