I hear those things almost every day either from my mouth or out of the mouth of others. I think sometimes having a choice to walk away is a good thing.
For instance, I will walk away from a $200 pair of shoes, or I will walk away from an argument that is unproductive, and sometimes I've had to walk away from people because their lifestyle or life outlook was bringing me or my family down. It's important to know when to hold them and when to fold them. (I think that's how that saying goes)
But, what if there was no plan b. No way out. What if the only way to survive was to stick with this one choice and make it work- no matter what.
I've been married for a few months now and in that time I've heard of friends sepearating, divorcing, re-connecting... It's been a whirlwind of thoughts and discussion in the Craig household as we dig deep to figure out what we think about this subject. We talked about the idea of divorce before we got married, but recently it's hitting home in a real way.
We want to know what the Father thinks of it and how we want to approach the "Plan b" discussion.
I first want to say, before I really dig deep into my thoughts, I hold no condemnation for marriages that havnen't worked or are in the process of ending. My heart goes out to each and every friend I have that has had to face the heartache that comes with it. God holds so much grace and mercy towards us that I don't believe we should feel condemnation over a failed marriage. And I believe God is a restorer and he will restore all things. Maybe not in our spouse, because it has to be desired by both parties, but He WILL restore the hearts of the broken. I've seen beautiful marriages come the second and even third time around.
But, I believe if BOTH parties are willing a marriage can be beautiful the first time around, too. I've seen it. I'm seeing it even now.
Cyler and I both come from broken homes. We have witnessed divorce and we have witnessed dysfunctional relationships. It's a battle we have to face to not wonder if this (our marriage) is forever. But, I love God because He was so faithful to spill His heart about all things that we are able to find guidance and direction as we go through our journey of marriage together.
It helped us both to first see that realtionship is not a contract. It's a covenant. I have to look at things from the perspective of "Cyler's good at my expense" and he has to do the same.
I have to be selfless. I suck at that a lot. I want my way and sometimes I just want to stomp my feet and demand it. But love doesn't do that. I have to put his good above my own.
We also had to remember that forgiveness is a daily thing- for big and small things alike. Women, we are known for remembering offenses from years before and in an argument we will bring them up as if it happened yesterday (or an hour ago). That can't happen. I have to have a short memory of the bad things and forgive and just keep moving. I'm not dealing with a story book prince who had every line and action scripted by someone. I'm dealing with a man. He is flawed and will mess up.. but SO WILL I! And I want him to be patient and forgiving to me. I have to give those things if I ever want to have those things given to me.
Something that I've seen in a lot of couples that have functioning relationships is-time. He HAS to be my best friend and my most important disciple. And I have to be that for him. I figure we can tell a lot about the people that we are supposed to pour into by the amount of time they are going to be in our life. My husband, from the day I said I do, is there. He is with me forever. He is my most important mission field. Above anyone else I need to show him the love of Jesus. I have to intercede for him the most and I have to sacrifice my time for him the most. If I do that and he does the same we will be well equiped to then minester to our children and then the communtiy/world. Time is also important because he needs to know that he is a priority, not just for minstering, but for fun and even sadness. If I'm available to my husband and he is available to me we will be confident in our marriage and the friendship and love we are building.
I'm sure there are a lot more points and things I could think about that would strengthen my marriage and the ways I could make sure it stays strong. But, for me, there is that lingering question- What if?
What if he doesn't do these things? What if I mess up? What if...? What if...? What if...?
I hate that question. It torments because it's my self trying to keep holding on to "Plan B"
So now I know what I need to do. If my marriage was a room then I need to walk in and know that there is no doors, no windows, no openings. I CHOOSE the room with no doors. It will be my primary goal to make sure the person I'm in there with is healthy, and happy, and taken care of. For my sake I have to do that. And it will be his goal to do the same-for his sake.
There is no way out in this thing. Not because I'm stuck but because I have resolved that in every situation we WILL work this out. We may yell sometimes and cry and pout but there will be resolution. And there will be love- because I'm not going to be stuck in a room with a person I don't like. I will choose to love him, even when it's hard and it hurts. (Lucky for me he is an easy guy to love. He's just so darn cute!)
Cyler's good at my expense. That's only possible if I choose the room with no doors.
Let's just hope there's AC in there. ;)
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