I've cried and tried to continue processing some things that have happened in my personal life. Normally I would open up and share but I don't feel like it would come out the right way- so I'll save that post for another day.
I called my husband and even one of my pastors as the hurt and anger really began to surface. I needed help and someone to tell me what I already knew: calm down and pray/worship/yell... just let it out.
I wanted SO BADLY to get on here and unload. Talk about the people that are talking about me. Tell the truth about lies that are being told. I wanted people to see that my hurt was valid and I was actually the one in the right. I was trying to show mercy and compassion towards situations that didn't deserve it. I was trying to be righteous.
Proving my righteousness by being unrighteous. That was my plan. I was going to "put them in their place" once and for all. Publicly.
I would have lost this battle that I've been engaging in for months- heck, years.
I'm in tears now, just typing this. I'm ashamed that my first response was to hurt the people that were hurting me. I want to be known as a person who loves past herself. And today I couldn't see past myself. How hypocritical.
Scripture reminds me this:
Isaiah 54:17
New Living Translation (NLT)
17 But in that coming day
no weapon turned against you will succeed.
You will silence every voice
raised up to accuse you.
These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the Lord;
their vindication will come from me.
I, the Lord, have spoken!
I've been given freedom from the words that try to bind me to anything I've done- or haven't done. I'm thankful for a Father that will fight my battles and bind up my wounds and broken heart while defending me.
My honor matters to Him and all I have to do is remember what HE says about me. That's truth. Truth isn't founded on the words of others. Lies or facts. Truth is defined as Jesus. He is the way the TRUTH and the light. The truth about me is that I'm loved with a love that is beyond measure. I'm accepted into a family of believers and ANYTHING that tries to seperate me from the love of God will not work. It's a useless weapon.
Sometimes reminding ourselves of these things will put a lot of our battles into perspective. I have to tell myself that it doesn't matter what other peoples words are. God will handle that. I have to pray mercy for them because they obviously can't see the weight and severity of what they are doing. Not because I'm anyone important but because I'm a chosen daughter of God- that makes me off limits.
But in saying that I face the harsh reality that they are equally loved and chosen by God. They have just as much significance to His heart as I do.
So I'm going to do what I want them to do. I'm going to bless them because I know whose they are.
Walking out forgiveness hurts. And taking the easy road and calling out those who speak falsely (or rightly) about us won't help and won't point anyone to Christ.
I'm reminded of something one of my favorite bloggers tweeted once- "No one's ever said: 'The way you bitterly mock other Christians helped me begin a life-changing love of Jesus'(Be kind)."
Simple words- but today they are my motivation.
As I challenge myself I'd like to challenge you as well:
Pray for those that hurt you. It's hard and it hurts but EVEN IF THEY NEVER CHANGE we will. We will be better for it. We will be stronger and have thicker skin. We won't be bound to their wrong actions. We will be free.
Maybe in the process we will lead others to freedom. That's good enough for me.
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