Within the past few days the subject of relationships have been a discussion my husband and I have found ourselves in with most of the people we’ve talked to. Marriages, divorces, friendship, acquaintances, even enemies have come up. We’ve talked about this topic in ISM (our youth group), private conversations with people, and even amongst ourselves.
With all of this relationship chatter my mind has been buzzing about what I think about relationships and how important I think they are.
Here’s where I’m at…
I’m not one of the types of people that want to be surrounded by people 24/7. I like to be home and have quiet time with just my husband. I even went through a time recently where as much as I wanted friends I didn’t want to open up and care about more than my little family. I was willing to be kind and be available to talk but I didn’t want to call anyone friend.
I was trying to be an island, I guess.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says that “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
I’ve thought about that verse a lot. It was obnoxious to me at first thinking that things would be better living as if community were really important. And then I realized…
“Dang, Dani… you are thinking and acting like a bitter woman”
If there is anything that I don’t want to be it’s a bitter woman. I’ve walked through a couple of things in my past that were REALLY tough and hurt a lot and I purposed in my heart to not EVER get bitter. But, if you remember I mentioned in one of my first posts how I just came through a really interesting season with God. During that time, being that I wasn’t keeping my focus on things that were good and noble and true, I let myself become bitter and hard towards other people.
I was so disappointed with myself.
People were always my favorite thing about life. Learning them, loving them, and spending time with them. I loved people. But recently, I sure didn’t like them and I didn’t really act very loving. Not in my heart.
Have you ever met someone who wasn’t a good friend or didn’t have very many friends that, if you dug deep enough, didn’t have a root of bitterness? If I think about it… I can’t think of very many who weren’t bitter.
After realizing my own root of bitterness I was able to deal with it. I was and in some ways still am walking my way through my forest of unforgiveness. I am assessing each situation and what hurt me or disappointed me and I’m forgiving. It’s not been my easiest or favorite process… AT ALL! But, I feel my love for people coming back. And it’s stronger than it was before.
So… How do I feel about relationships?
With slightly gritted teeth I will tell you that I think they are more important than anything else you can pursue in life.
I have what someone else needs, and someone else has what I need. Whether that’s a physical or emotional or even spiritual need. I will never be a fully rounded and whole person without others.
I need friends. I need relationships. It makes me better, more loving, and less selfish.
But, after reading Ecclesiastes, it’s clear we all need each other.
Our hearts have got to be open to building relationships, learning each other, and accepting each other.
I’m not going to like everything about you, and you most definitely won’t like everything about me. But, if we can learn to love past ourselves and seek out those people that God has placed us in a community with (at church, school, work, city, clubs/groups) we will be better for it.
I love people… Because God loves them.
My only reasonable response to that realization…. Pursue what God pursues. He pursues people.
So, here’s to God’s creation. And putting on my big girl pants and getting to know them.
Bye bye Bitter Dani… Hello Friends! It’s great to see you! (for real)
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