Updates, Fun Things, and Merry Christmas!

So... I'm squeezing in this tiny little post in between working extra and figuring out last minute gift ideas and wondering WHY IN THE WORLD I decided handmade gifts were such a great idea. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

BUT... Being that these past few weeks have been full of family and friends and beutiful twinkle lights I felt that it would be a shame to not share a few minutes with you great folks.

So as my family and I unwrap our gifts and sing about our Sweet Savior this year I will be praising Him for everything that He has done for me this year. And you all are a huge part of it.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you readers for doing what you do... reading, sharing, and talking with me and others about my posts. It has pulled me through one of the hardest times in my life. If I could mail you all Christmas gifts I totally would. (Send an address and I might just try) ;)

Anywho. I couldn't let you know what was coming for the New Year without first saying thanks for this past few months. Again, you guys are incredible! I'm sending a bear hug your way as we speak.

Now... I'm beyond thrilled to fill you in on what we are doing this year! First, things first. I'll be posting new posts every day but Saturday and I think this new adventure is going to be fun. Here's the post schedule so you can know what to look for.

Monday- From My Mind to Yours
Tuesday- Humorous and Lighthearted to make it through the Tuesday snoozeday.
Wednesday- Devotional Day
Thursday- Another From My Mind to Yours
Friday- New Craft or Recipe Day
Sunday- Fitness results (Explained below)

So... with the New Year coming there are going to be so many goals created I thought it would be fun to give an opportunity for us to conquor some of these goals together. I know for myslef and several friends getting healthy is a huge deal. Married life has settled in and so has about 30 extra pounds. Yikes! So... myself and some friends are plannning on working out and trying to change a few of our eating habits. No diets... they don't stick. But a change in lifestyle.
I wanted to invite all of you to join in. If you'd like of course. Each week we will be tracking how much weight is lost/gained, inches lost, days we skipped and cheat days, and some of the new healthy things we are trying.
The plan is for there to be no pressure just a group of people working on themselves together.

With that said, if you'd like to join with let me know. You can send in your progress, funny work out stories, words of encouragement, or if you had any cheat days, and any new yummy healthy recipes you may have. Just email me on Saturdays and Sunday I'll share our progress!

I'm so excited about the plans for the new year and making a way for everyone to get involved!!

Again, thanks for being a part of this with me! Talk to you in the new year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, y'all!!

**********************************************************************

I'd love to hear from you guys!

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An Open Letter to my Enemy

Good morning.

I'm sure that you are a little shocked to see your bags by the door. I do apologize for not giving you any notice but, you see, you argue far too much and convince me that I NEED you to stay. I've been thinking about it for some time now and last night while you were working on your latest project I neatly packed up everything you've brought with you to this relationship.

I've allowed you to come into my home for some time now. I believed the things you sold to me as fact that made me believe you were an assett to my well-being. I made you coffee, talked to you everyday, watched  my movies with you, and even invited you to bed with my husband and myself. I never realized you weren't listening- you were plotting the next phase in my destruction.

You are no friend. Not at all. You are my enemy. You just dressed up really pretty.

I've made sure to pack EVERYTHING you brought with you. I wanted to be sure you had no reason to drop by again. Feel free to search the suitcase somewhere else. But trust me, it's all gone.

The first thing I packed was Fear. I needed it gone first because that thing tried to convince me that I should be afraid of life without you. I'll give you this- you made Fear look like safety and a neccessary reality. But, dear Enemy, you are sadly mistaken. I allowed Fear to paralyze me. It made me afraid of failing. But it also made me afraid of success. It made me afraid of new relationships and it made me afraid to lose relationships. It made me afraid to leave my house, but it also made me afraid that I would be stuck in this house forever. I understand why Fear was one of the first things you brought out. He was the cement that glued you to me. He made me scared of life without you.
He had to leave first.

Next I packed up Inferiority. You handed me that like it was a hamock for me to swing in. Just like a hamock, I couldn't let go of Inferiority easily-but I didn't want to because it made me comfortable. Inferiority told me that no one would like me, much less love me, and they wouldn't want anything I had to offer. Inferiority made me complacent. I never moved forward and I didn't move backwards. I just laid there and blamed everyone else for the lies you made me believe.
I can't keep him, as comfortable as he may be. Inferiority isn't helping me at all. You will find him in your suitcase as well. 

My favorite one to pack is one of the newest things you brought in to our relationship. Unforgiveness. That guy went kicking and screaming. I've never seen a tantrum quite so... ridiculous? He fought me so hard and tried to cling to my leg, my shirt, anything he could grab. Just like a toddler throwing a tantrum. That makes sense, though. Because Unforgiveness made ME look like a toddler throwing  a tantrum.
Enemy, here is what I realized. People are just people. They are going to mess up and hurt eachother everyday. The key is to remember that THEY don't control how their hurt affects us. I control how they affect me. Unforgiveness made me believe that I was somehow winning in the battle of hurt because I would never let those people back in and I would tell EVERYONE how awful and despicable and wretched those people actually are. But, I don't want to do that. Because no matter how justified my hurt is Jesus loves them as much as He loves me. Unforgiveness put a blindfold on me and hid me from the thing I was sent here to love- people. I think I'm going to miss Unforgiveness least of all. His messes and tanntrums were exhausting to keep up with. Life without him already feels so much nicer.

I also packed depression. He sulked his way into the bag when he realized the roots that invited him in were already gone. He didn't have much to cling to. Once Fear and Inferiority were comfortably in the bag- Depression just tucked itself between them. It made me smile to see him go. I don't think I'm going to miss him at all.

I also packed Lack. That guy was the heaviest of all. I'm assuming it's because of all of the things he stole while he was here. You should know I took all of those back- they don't belong to you so please don't come looking for them. I took back relationships, finances, peace, joy, and excitement for my purpose. That greedy Lack tried to take all of the good stuff. I don't like thiefs in my home and that's all Lack did was steal.

You will see that there isn't anything of yours left here. And before you call to try and tell me that I have available space and it's wrong to kick you out- I don't. I have already filled the space that you and your friends left.

In your place you will find Jesus (apparently he was just stopping by to visit but because I let you live here he had no room to fully unpack).
I love all of the things He brought with Him. It's all of the things you didn't have but everything I truly needed.

He brought love. Love keeps fear away because perfect love kicks fear out. He brought more love for my husband, family, and friends. He also brought more love for my purpose. He brought love for people... and with Jesus all people are easy to love. Because compared to Him we suck and if He could love me, well, I could love anyone.

He also brought significance. To Him I am worth more than I know. He tells me that I matter and that what I'm supposed to do here on the earth is important. With you gone I can hear AND believe Him now.

He also brought Forgiveness. Forgiveness is much more mature than Unforgiveness. He came in first and forgave me- for harboring all of the hateful thoughts I was carrying, and then Forgiveness helped me forgive others. He was gentle and patient but He helped me see people as people.
Forgiveness taught me that Mercy was here to cover my mistakes or moments where I struggle, but that Grace came to hold my hand and help me hand out Mercy to others.

Jesus also unpacked Joy. When we saw Joy we just laughed and laughed because, with Joy, even on the hardest day I am thankful. Joy came with Peace. I like her. She settled the uneasyness of letting you go, Enemy. She walked through my house and every area of stress she dissolved. Peace is my new hamock. She allows me to rest and be encompassed by her but then she motivates me to get up and do something. I think I'm going to like our relationship.

Jesus unpacked so many things. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Endurance, Forgiveness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control. These guys all came in and are working as a team.

So, Enemy, I'm happy to say that you have to go now. And please never return. You will surely not be missed.

Your's truly,
Danielle Craig

Who are You REALLY??

For just a minute I need you to do something for me.

I want you to pretend to look in a mirror. I want you to stand there and look at yourself and think of all of the things that you say you are. Think of all of the postives, whether that be looks, intelligence, skill sets, etc. I want you to think of all of the negatives, maybe too heavy or too thin, maybe internal negatives- I'm dishonest at times, or I'm not very clean and organized. Think of the roles you play. Perhaps you are a mom or a dad, sister or brother, pastor or teacher, business person or day laborer. Now think of the roles you signed up for, something like a mentor or spiritual father/mother. Maybe a friend to the person who has no friends. Maybe you volunteer in the community or you're an advocate for racial tensions to be ending.

Have you gotten all of YOU in the picture yet?? Now hold those thoughts....

Some of the things that we see in the mirror come easy to us. We each have something that falls into all of those categories, but some really come super easy.

Some of us were born to be a spouse. We just rock that role like nobodies business. But others of us didn't grow up understanding what a functional marriage looks like so we have to work a tooshies off to learn to be a better wife/husband.

I'd say we all have several things in our negative categories. Some of us aren't aware of our flaws often so we don't work on them. Some of us are exceptionally aware of our negative qualities and we work on self improvement.

A lot of us fail to look at positives. But, dearies, they are there. You HAVE a lot of positive qualities. Embrace those bad boys. Now, don't get big headed and arrogant (which sometimes is easy to do when we realize how awesome we really are... lol) but seriously- embrace the good things about yourself. Jesus does.

The category I really want to focus on today, though. The one that I think is overlooked most and probably affects the most people- the roles we sign up for.

I think we (meaning humanity as a whole) are really flippant about things we say we are willing to be for other people. Whether it be people as in a person or people as in a community or a nation.

I want to pose a question: Are we who we tell people we are.

I wonder, even upon self evaluation, am I telling people who I WILL be to them or who I WANT them to think/see me being to them.

If anyone has read the post Coffee With Mom you know that I lost my mom. You also know that there is a void in my heart for a mother figure. I've had women who have heard that story and told me they felt like God (or themselves) was leading them to be a mother to me...

They are long gone now. Do you know that the most hurtful thing is when those people, even though they meant well, didn't follow through with their words. My heart still aches (and in some cases still holds anger) towards those women.

But it happens all the time. We volunteer to fill holes and roles in peoples lives without really considering if we will be consistent and follow through and live out FULLY the commitment we make.

Now, here is my challenge: BE who you say you will be for people. If people are accepting you in a certain role in their life it's most likely because there is a void there. If you can't be faithful to that void... don't offer to fill it. Offer what you CAN and are WILLING to do.

Second challenge. If you find that you've made commitments to people to be something they needed and you realize you can't or haven't been faithful to that commitment- apologize. Through text/phone call/over coffee. Because, most likely, they've already noticed you haven't honored your word. Be a positive part of their life and healing process. And by simply acknowledging our humanity we can change a hurt to a learning and healing moment.

So to all my advocates, spiritual parents, mentors, and community leaders- thanks for what you do. May we all work harder to be better in these rolls and be more consistent and honest about who we are and who we can be to others.

Have you ever made commitments to fill roles in peoples lives and fallen through? Have you ever been with the person with the void that wasn't filled? How has that affected you?

****** Everyone!! I'm so happy to announce that I've created a Facebook account so that everyone can keep up with new posts and updates about the book I'm currently writing. Just follow the link and like the page. And thanks again for reading! My little family is so blessed by you- by your words, shares, and just the simple fact that you read this blog. THANK YOU! I just love you guys!!******

https://www.facebook.com/BlazingDestinysSidewalk

Constants and Changes and the Constant Change

I am shocked! I haven't written in almost 2 weeks! Between the flu, date nights, a crazy work load, and getting ready for some upcoming events at the church I just didn't make time for it. But I wouldn't change the past 2 weeks for anything (except the flu-we can do away with the flu).

With all that said, I'm not writing about any of those things today. Oh no... there are much more important topics to discuss. So let's dive in, shall we??

2 years ago today was one of the most significant days of my life. I met my husband. He was distracted and doesn't even remember meeting me but I remember. I knew, but didn't know all at the same time, how significant that day was leading up to the trip to Macclenny. But never did I realize the thing I had been praying most for was sitting in that church building with me the whole time.

I wasn't praying for a husband necessarily, what I wanted came from something I'd lacked for a very long time.

Stability.

I grew up with amazing people. They took me in when my parents weren't able and they raised me. My uncle taught the importance of discipleship and developing a relationship with Jesus. A lot of times he was the closest thing to a dad I'd ever seen.

But my time with them wasn't always stable. I know it wasn't their intentions and I try not to fault them- I wasn't their child and I wasn't "supposed" to be with them forever. I can't imagine that burden. As a child, though, I longed for something stable. Something that, when I stepped foot somewhere, I didn't have to worry about the ground caving in and needing to scramble to find something or somewhere else. To know that at the end of the day someone loved me and someone wanted me. That idea meant safety to me. 

2 years later I can say God answered that prayer better than I could have expected. Cyler and this community have become the things that my heart was crying out for. I look around everyday and realize life feels so different than it did for me growing up. 

Cyler has become my constant and that is more of something than anything I've ever had. I'm grateful.

But that leads me to changes-

Because apparently God brought stability so I would be more willing for and feel safe in the changes.

So here is the announcement from the Craig household.

Cyler and I are going back to school.

We are keeping our jobs (of course) but my goal is to start in January and his is to start hopefully in June.

I'll be pursuing a nursing degree which is something that I've wanted to do since I graduated high-school. Life is finally to a point where I can confidently and STABILY complete that goal! I'm beyond excited!!

I'm thankful for a God who has the foresight to hold our hand as we walk through what we see as chaos and craziness. I look back and see how every disappointment, scary moment, and heartbreak was so necessary to get me here. To make me who I am. And to make me appreciate what I have (and don't have).

I don't know everything that's coming but I'm confident in this- it will be constant changes on a stable foundation. 

I can handle that!

Say What?!

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

I can remember being taught that song by kindergarten teachers, parents, older cousins... It was the anthem on the playground in elementary school. And boy did I have to use it A LOT...

One of the WORST things anyone ever said about me on that playground was about how I had a crush on the snotty nosed freckled boy who always cried for his mom. It was devastating... because I liked the blonde headed tan boy who always got in trouble.

Kids are so cruel.

Thinking back though, I remember kids throwing sticks and hitting me (conflict resolution for a 6 year old is pretty dangerous) and honestly... I don't remember what 99% of those fights were about... But I remember when someone started the rumor about me liking the nerdy boy so vividly... I'm still mad at the little girl who started it. Jerk.I think she just wanted him all to herself. Whatevs...

Words hurt... dangit. Words hurt A LOT!

Those wounds and mean words stuck with me for so long... Did you know that some people stopped being my friend all because of a lie? And I hurt the little freckled boys feelings because I had to loudly exclaim 'NUH UH!! I DON'T LIKE HIIIIIIIM!!" And then the boy that I liked never talked to me again and he lived on my street so that was a big deal.

You know what?! Sometimes I still feel like that little girl on the playground.

I hear stories about me that have been passed around to SOO MANY people before I catch wind of it and it has caused broken relationships, people placing a false identity/or character make-up of me. In some circles... words have ruined my reputation.

And you know what I've learned?! Most of what was said... it was a lie. Not even an ounce of truth.

So much damage just to have a little bit of juicy gossip about someone else.

Growing up in the church I remember so many sermons about stealing, and drugs, sex before marriage, and lying.

But rarely gossip.

You know which of those sins I've seen do the most damage?

Gossip.

I was thinking about it today- people THRIVE off of gossip. Because if I can tell someone about someone else's junk (real or made up) I don't look as bad to the people I'm talking to.

But if you look behind you on the path that the gossip train paved- there are way too many casualties.

I know I've bought into the gossip train way too many times to count. I've hurt so many and threw daggers at my fair share of reputations...

But why?? It didn't benefit me... and you know what I learned??

"Those who gossip to you will gossip about you."

And we get SO mad when the gossip is turned back on us. Have you ever had someone gossip about you saying that you were gossiping??? Imagine the confusion when you try to get angry with a person for doing what you did. Honestly... that's what you just have to work out with Jesus because then we would have to wrestle with being a hypocrite- and that's a whole other post. Lol

Here's my point- Words hurt worse than a physical beating.

If Jesus himself said that he didn't come into the world to condemn it but to love it- I don't think we should feel the right to do more than Him. John 3:17

And if you feel the need to talk about someone... speak truth about them. I don't mean FACTS about them... I mean truth. If you're wondering what that is... Check out this math equation.

God= Love  1 John 4:8

God= Jesus John 10:30

Love= Jesus= the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life John 14:6

So if all of those are the same thing...

Truth= the Way, Life, and ultimately Jesus.

So... Truth= Love

So, when trying to figure out what the truth is about someone ask yourself this:

• Does what I'm saying show someone the way to walk? Are my words a positive example of a disciple of Jesus?
• Do my words speak life to and over someone? Or am I cursing them and speaking death?
• Do I sound like Jesus? Am I speaking out of the love that's mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13? Or am I trying to be the judge and the jury and throw condemnation towards the person I'm speaking about

Words hurt, my friends. And we are called to encourage and strengthen and empower ALL those around us. Not just friends, and family... but enemies as well.

So I leave you with these simple words-

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

That Time I was Going to Marry Tebow... And that Other Guy

Back in the day- when graduation and first time "real" jobs was the big concerns of my life- I was going to marry Tebow.

Why not?!

He was handsome, had money, a career, and he loved Jesus.

So... I was going to meet him and he was going to see me and realize "That's the girl I've been waiting for."

Laugh all you want but that was my reality. Because that was the "standard." The pinnacle of men-  guess you could say. And I was going to have the best because- well... have you met me?! ;)

And then.... I realized how silly I was. Not because it was impossible... but because OBVIOUSLY there was no history with this guy. I couldn't marry someone that I barely knew for such superficial reasons.

If I was going to be superficial then I at least had to know the guy.

So... there was the other guy.

He had all of the things that were listed above. As far as I could tell at least. And OH. MY. GOODNESS. if I didn't hear from all directions "God SO wants you guys to get married."

How confusing is that?! Honestly, as cool as I'm sure the guy was, he wasn't super friendly to me. I realized quickly that he and I shared something very similar- we both looked at pretty superficial things. And I didn't meet his qualifications.

But people were persistent and encouraged me to keep on waiting because I couldn't do any better. Be "picky" and you'll get the best.

Soon... I woke up- before wasting to much time on "God's" obvious choice.

ALL MY SINGLE LADIES- and gentleman- listen up. (Especially you folks in the church)

The above qualities (handsome, had money, a career) is not our standard. Those aren't our primary guidelines. But those are typically the areas we focus on FIRST and we'll deal with the spiritual side of things later.

God's obvious choice will come in the form of a man with who is "a man after God's heart."

His pursuit isn't money, women, fancy things, or even a career.

His pursuit is chasing and becoming more like the God who loved Him first. And is teaching him to pursue and love others. (Same goes to men looking for a wife)

I am blessed to have married a man that breaks all the molds that were created for and by me.

I saw his heart before I saw anything else. He was passionate about God and humility was part of his DNA.
He never once had to TELL me his character- I could see it. He walked in integrity and with a love that is rarely matched by the "average" man.

He-even though flawed- is such and example of the "manly" side of God.

Here's my point. I saw Jesus when I stopped looking at men. I saw Jesus when I saw Cyler.

I knew- without a shadow of a doubt- He was the man (or type of man) I wanted to marry.

And I lucked out because he IS handsome. He makes good money. He has a career.

But above all- He is a man after God's heart. When all of the above things fail there is no question that I will still choose to be with the man sitting next to me on the couch... because I chose him because he chooses Jesus.

Let's make sure our priorities are straight and we TRULY understand Gods standards in what we should look for in our spouse. Otherwise, we will find that our standards weren't good enough and we will come up short and most likely disappointed.

Sometimes Silence is the Loudest

I learned a tough lesson this past Sunday on my birthday. I was enjoying my day with the hubs as we went to Lake City and shopped at my FAVE store TJ Maxx, we went to lunch at Red Lobster (Steak and Lobster for this lady), and did a whole bunch of super random things just because I wanted to do them. Not to mention I got the sweetest gifts from some sweet people. Like... the plates I've been wanting for SOOOO long (thanks Tish, Josh, and Morgan). My sweet husband is making a vanity for the room so I can have my own little makeup/hair area (and maybe start another blog for crafts and tutorials). And I got to spend time with people that love me... like my Nana, and little cousins.

But, as much as I feel like a jerk for feeling this way... something was missing.

The day just didn't feel complete.

There were some people who are more important to my heart than I know how to express that didn't reach out to me. Some out of pride and stubberness... and some out of, from what I can tell, pure meaness. A couple were because (emotion talking) I wasn't a priority... or at least not enough of one.

I spent an hour at the end of the night on the couch crying to my husband. He cried with me. For a minute their silence was the loudest thing I had heard in a while. "You're not worth me." That's what I heard them say.

There are a lot of times I'm not the happiest with everyone in my life. That's normal in any relationship. But... even when the relationship doesn't FEEL worth it... they will hear from me on birthdays, special occasions... whatever.

That's what love is. That's what family is.

I felt and experienced, for the first time with these folks, a complete lack of love and importance.

It hit me hard in the face. And it stung.

OH GOSH did it sting.


But, it made me look at myself. I know I fail miserably in the love department all the time. At the end of my life I want people to be able to say-if nothing else- she loved well.

I've resolved to still love the people that purposefully or accidentally hurt me. I didn't want to. And at the moment I'd like to say that I have written them off. But I refuse to let them take a way the greatest thing I've been given- Love.

I'm loved much so I should love much.

I will pray for and bless those that hurt me. Not for their sake (although it will surely benefit them) but for mine. So I can love more.

I will wish them happy birthday and congratulate them on accomplishments and I will continue to miss them. I won't put up a wall. I won't block them out.

If God can choose to love me when I am unfaithful to Him regularly. If He can love me when I hurt Him and that love in turn produces something postive and beneficial in me then I know my love for others will do the same.

Proverbs 4:8 tells me that love covers a multitude of sin.

For 24- that's my resolution. Let the love I give cover a multitude of sin/offense/hurt.

At 24 I will love more than I ever have.


***I want to end this post off with this: My birthday was perfect. My husband and friends (who are more like family) and a few family members really went out of their way to make me feel SO important. This post is about a small lesson I learned on that day and in no way should reflect poorly on the day as a whole.***

Coffee with Mom

All week I was rushing around the house making sure all of my work was done and the house looked perfect.

I hadn't seen my mom in a while and she hadn't seen our little cottage yet so I wanted to make sure she saw it the way we did. Homey and peaceful.
I don't know why I stressed though, she is my mom. She would be fine hanging out with me just about anywhere... but still. I wanted her to be proud.

Saturday morning rolled around. My last day of 23. I knew when Mom got here we would laugh and talk about everything that happened the past year and talk about goals for 24. That's what a good mom does, she keeps you motivated and moving forward.

So... I woke up, got dressed, made a pot of coffee and then I heard the knock. Right on time. That's why I love her.

I opened the door and even though I wanted her to see the house... all she saw was me. She hugged me and held me for a while. Like I said, we haven't seen each other for quite some time now. Eventually she let go and with a huge smile she said "Everything is perfect. And you look so happy." I am.

She came in and and we cozied up on the couch with coffee in hand and we caught up. Her mostly asking all the questions.

"How is Cyler?"
"How is your job?"
"How is church going?"

Basic questions.. but goodness they meant the WORLD to me hearing them from her.

There was so much relief having her on my couch. Because I knew... I just knew that she loved me and celebrated me. What person doesn't want that on their birthday?

We talked and talked... She asked me about what I loved most and liked least about 23. I told her I loved getting married. I've shared a whole year with someone who is a daily example of Christ's unwavering love for me. I've not experienced anything like that my whole life. I told her my least favorite thing was the loss of some close relationships in my life. That, although I knew God held my heart, the sting of people choosing to walk away hurts more than I could say.

She was wonderful because I saw joy in my joy, but heartache because her baby girl was hurt. Her words were so encourgaing... "Love surrounds you babygirl... Stop looking at where it's not... because you're world is full of love."

She's right.

I didn't want her to leave. I tried to keep telling her things just so she would sit on the couch with me a little longer. I told her about my book and the inspiration behind it. I told her about the blog and how much it has helped me. I told her about the people that I'm closest to.. and the ones I miss. I just kept talking.

But I knew she had to go. She held me tight again.

"You're beautiful, Dani. I'm proud of you not because you've done or haven't done anything. I'm proud because you're my daughter. I love you with all my heart."

And then she left.

.................


If anyone knows me well.. you know how much I wish the story above was true.

I lost my mom when I was 8 years old. And as I was approaching a new year... the ache for her was stronger than ever. I don't have stable parent figures in my life. I am thankful to have been raised by my Aunt and Uncle... but the ache for a dad and especially a mom is strongest at this time in my life.

I think of starting a life with my husband, having kids, the accomplishments that I'm making... and even tough times that are sure to come. And I wish she could be here for them.

But, I started thinking (thanks to my sister/cousin Tisha) about what coffee with her would be like. What would she say if she saw me right where I am.

And Saturday morning for my birthday I did just that. And what you read above is how I pictured it.

23 was a wonderful year... It was full of God fulfilling promises and it was full of neccessary seperation so I could move forward.

I rarely understand why my mom had to go when I was so young. But, Saturday... the day before 24... I understood another piece of that puzzle.

See, I don't have a mom. Or a dad. My whole life, the words I've imagined my mom saying has been the comforting voice of God. He's been my mom and my dad. And He is so good at it.

I know if my mom could see me... she would say those things and so much more. And even though I don't hear them audibly... I hear those words all the time.

I'm thankful for a personal God. On joyous days and in sombering moments. He's a great mom.


I think I'll have coffee with Him everymorning. He makes me better... and loves me best.

So... Peace out 23!! Hello 24!! Let's get this year started!!

Humanity Sucks. So.. Thank God for God.

Today has not been my favorite day.

I've cried and tried to continue processing some things that have happened in my personal life. Normally I would open up and share but I don't feel like it would come out the right way- so I'll save that post for another day.

I called my husband and even one of my pastors as the hurt and anger really began to surface. I needed help and someone to tell me what I already knew: calm down and pray/worship/yell... just let it out.

I wanted SO BADLY to get on here and unload. Talk about the people that are talking about me. Tell the truth about lies that are being told. I wanted people to see that my hurt was valid and I was actually the one in the right. I was trying to show mercy and compassion towards situations that didn't deserve it. I was trying to be righteous.

Proving my righteousness by being unrighteous. That was my plan. I was going to "put them in their place" once and for all. Publicly.

I would have lost this battle that I've been engaging in for months- heck, years.

I'm in tears now, just typing this. I'm ashamed that my first response was to hurt the people that were hurting me. I want to be known as a person who loves past herself. And today I couldn't see past myself. How hypocritical.

Scripture reminds me this:

Isaiah 54:17
New Living Translation (NLT)

17 But in that coming day
no weapon turned against you will succeed.
You will silence every voice
raised up to accuse you.
These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the Lord;
their vindication will come from me.
I, the Lord, have spoken!



I've been given freedom from the words that try to bind me to anything I've done- or haven't done. I'm thankful for a Father that will fight my battles and bind up my wounds and broken heart while defending me.

My honor matters to Him and all I have to do is remember what HE says about me. That's truth. Truth isn't founded on the words of others. Lies or facts. Truth is defined as Jesus. He is the way the TRUTH and the light. The truth about me is that I'm loved with a love that is beyond measure. I'm accepted into a family of believers and ANYTHING that tries to seperate me from the love of God will not work. It's a useless weapon.

Sometimes reminding ourselves of these things will put a lot of our battles into perspective. I have to tell myself that it doesn't matter what other peoples words are. God will handle that. I have to pray mercy for them because they obviously can't see the weight and severity of what they are doing. Not because I'm anyone important but because I'm a chosen daughter of God- that makes me off limits.

But in saying that I face the harsh reality that they are equally loved and chosen by God. They have just as much significance to His heart as I do.

So I'm going to do what I want them to do. I'm going to bless them because I know whose they are.

Walking out forgiveness hurts. And taking the easy road and calling out those who speak falsely (or rightly) about us won't help and won't point anyone to Christ.

I'm reminded of something one of my favorite bloggers tweeted once- "No one's ever said: 'The way you bitterly mock other Christians helped me begin a life-changing love of Jesus'(Be kind)."

Simple words- but today they are my motivation.

As I challenge myself I'd like to challenge you as well:

Pray for those that hurt you. It's hard and it hurts but EVEN IF THEY NEVER CHANGE we will. We will be better for it. We will be stronger and have thicker skin. We won't be bound to their wrong actions. We will be free.

Maybe in the process we will lead others to freedom. That's good enough for me.

Choosing the Room with No Doors

Option number 2. Plan b. Best and worst case scenario. If this doesn't work then....

I hear those things almost every day either from my mouth or out of the mouth of others. I think sometimes having a choice to walk away is a good thing.
For instance, I will walk away from a $200 pair of shoes, or I will walk away from an argument that is unproductive, and sometimes I've had to walk away from people because their lifestyle or life outlook was bringing me or my family down. It's important to know when to hold them and when to fold them. (I think that's how that saying goes)

But, what if there was no plan b. No way out. What if the only way to survive was to stick with this one choice and make it work- no matter what.

I've been married for a few months now and in that time I've heard of friends sepearating, divorcing, re-connecting... It's been a whirlwind of thoughts and discussion in the Craig household as we dig deep to figure out what we think about this subject. We talked about the idea of divorce before we got married, but recently it's hitting home in a real way.

We want to know what the Father thinks of it and how we want to approach the "Plan b" discussion.

I first want to say, before I really dig deep into my thoughts, I hold no condemnation for marriages that havnen't worked or are in the process of ending. My heart goes out to each and every friend I have that has had to face the heartache that comes with it. God holds so much grace and mercy towards us that I don't believe we should feel condemnation over a failed marriage. And I believe God is a restorer and he will restore all things. Maybe not in our spouse, because it has to be desired by both parties, but He WILL restore the hearts of the broken. I've seen beautiful marriages come the second and even third time around.

But, I believe if BOTH parties are willing a marriage can be beautiful the first time around, too. I've seen it. I'm seeing it even now.

Cyler and I both come from broken homes. We have witnessed divorce and we have witnessed dysfunctional relationships. It's a battle we have to face to not wonder if this (our marriage) is forever. But, I love God because He was so faithful to spill His heart about all things that we are able to find guidance and direction as we go through our journey of marriage together.

It helped us both to first see that realtionship is not a contract. It's a covenant. I have to look at things from the perspective of "Cyler's good at my expense" and he has to do the same.

I have to be selfless. I suck at that a lot. I want my way and sometimes I just want to stomp my feet and demand it. But love doesn't do that. I have to put his good above my own.

We also had to remember that forgiveness is a daily thing- for big and small things alike. Women, we are known for remembering offenses from years before and in an argument we will bring them up as if it happened yesterday (or an hour ago). That can't happen. I have to have a short memory of the bad things and forgive and just keep moving. I'm not dealing with a story book prince who had every line and action scripted by someone. I'm dealing with a man. He is flawed and will mess up.. but SO WILL I! And I want him to be patient and forgiving to me. I have to give those things if I ever want to have those things given to me.

Something that I've seen in a lot of couples that have functioning relationships is-time. He HAS to be my best friend and my most important disciple. And I have to be that for him. I figure we can tell a lot about the people that we are supposed to pour into by the amount of time they are going to be in our life. My husband, from the day I said I do, is there. He is with me forever. He is my most important mission field. Above anyone else I need to show him the love of Jesus. I have to intercede for him the most and I have to sacrifice my time for him the most. If I do that and he does the same we will be well equiped to then minester to our children and then the communtiy/world. Time is also important because he needs to know that he is a priority, not just for minstering, but for fun and even sadness. If I'm available to my husband and he is available to me we will be confident in our marriage and the friendship and love we are building.

I'm sure there are a lot more points and things I could think about that would strengthen my marriage and the ways I could make sure it stays strong. But, for me, there is that lingering question- What if?

What if he doesn't do these things? What if I mess up? What if...? What if...? What if...?

I hate that question. It torments because it's my self trying to keep holding on to "Plan B"

So now I know what I need to do. If my marriage was a room then I need to walk in and know that there is no doors, no windows, no openings. I CHOOSE the room with no doors. It will be my primary goal to make sure the person I'm in there with is healthy, and happy, and taken care of. For my sake I have to do that. And it will be his goal to do the same-for his sake.

There is no way out in this thing. Not because I'm stuck but because I have resolved that in every situation we WILL work this out. We may yell sometimes and cry and pout but there will be resolution. And there will be love- because I'm not going to be stuck in a room with a person I don't like. I will choose to love him, even when it's hard and it hurts. (Lucky for me he is an easy guy to love. He's just so darn cute!)

Cyler's good at my expense. That's only possible if I choose the room with no doors.

Let's just hope there's AC in there. ;)

The Day the World Changed Colors

8,748 days.

That's how many days I've been alive.

Over 99% of those days I can't remember. I know there were milestones during those days but if you asked me about March 17 of 1997 and wanted to know the specifics of that day, well, I would laugh at you... because I have no clue.

But there are somedays that are seared on my heart. Days that I could recount almost every single detail, great and small.

Today... I can't help but remember one of those days.

I was in the 6th grade in the year 2001. From what I remember it was one of my favorite years of school. I went to W.E. Cherry Elementary. I lived in a cool subdivision and spent my afternoons playing in the yard with the neighborhood kids. It was primarily and innocent time.

Until Septmeber. A month I look forward to every year. It was always a happy day when September 1st rolled around. The countdown to my birthday would begin. I would remind my Aunt and Uncle what I wanted for my birthday. I would plan my cakes and where I wanted to go for dinner. September was always a perfect month.

But not that year.

That year.... I knew the world had changed for me. I guess you could say it went from vibrant to pastel.

I remember being in my PE Class and our homeroom teacher came and grabbed the whole class and made us go back to the room. As we were walking-well more like jogging- behind our teacher back to class I heard an announcement saying that all teachers and students were required to stay in the classroom until told otherwise. I still feel those cold chills the same way I did that day. I felt afraid and no one would tell me why.

We sat in the classroom for what seemed like hours (but I'm pretty sure it wasn't long at all) until finally the teacher looked at us and apologized- I guess because she knew the effect her action would cause- and turned on the news.

By the time we all settled down and looked at the screen we saw smoke billowing out of the first tower. The cold sweat started again. We were young, but we knew that people were in that building. Our teacher started to tear up as she explained what the building was and how many people worked there. Tears began to well up in most of the room as we realized just what we were looking at.

Our neighbors were in danger. Some dying or already passed. And it wouldn't stop. That day as 6th graders we learned that sometimes real life could be way more harsh than the scariest movie.

And then it happened. The second plane hit. We saw it.

Gasps.

Silence.

Sobs.

It was no accident.

I was terrified. I think, for the most part, I believed that the majority of the world didn't want to hurt people. I had seen ugly and tragedy. But PURE evil... I saw that that day.

We didn't turn off the news the rest of the day. We also never left that classroom. I remember holding on to one of my friends as we watched the rest of what happened that day. Together we watched the towers fall. We saw people in NY running and screaming. We cried together. That day, we even prayed together. I still remember the smell of her perfume.

I remember going home and calling my Uncle. He said work was sending him home. No homework that night. At some point my family was there joining me in the living room, me on the floor and them on the couches and chairs, crying and watching.

I remember triumph that day as well. I felt like an American. Like a citizen. I watched, in the coming days-months-years, as MY country joined together as a nation. We prayed for each other. We loved each other. We grieved for each other.

That day changed so much for me. I lost part of being a kid that day... but I gained a patriotism that I think only the events of that day could have birthed.

I'm proud I'm an American. I've seen us perservere and work together. I've seen us turn to The One who can save in the moment we all needed salvation.

Remembering that day gives me hope in our future. Not because of what we lost... but because of who we became together.

Today as we pray for every person affected by the tragic events September 11, 2001 brought us let us also look to the future with the same patriotism, hope, and love for our neighbors that we felt that day.

So, yes... For me the world did go from vibrant to pastel. Thankfully I still see the rainbow. And I know good things are ahead.

God Bless America!

Ode to the Girls: Songbirds, Princesses, and a Blushing Bride

Oh weekends! How you never disappoint me! I love you!

I love weekends, I mean who doesn't? But this weekend, I've been looking forward to it for months. And as it approached it became clear that this weekend would be so full of epicness I may not even be able to stand it.

And it was. Oh... IT WAS! Trying to pick words to describe it has been tricky. Beautiful, exciting, slightly painful, wonderfully fulfilling, and perfectly refreshing.

I guess you could say... it was perfect.


It started out with a much needed trip to Tallahassee to visit one of my closest friends Amanda A. (and her nerdy cool husband Justin- but this is the Ode to the girls, remember?). If you don't know her you're missing out because when it comes to friends, she is top of the line- high end couture- type of friend. We wear the same style, accidentally watch the same shows, and appreciate Disney and crafting with a twin like similarity. She even holds my favorite "becoming friends" story. One day I may share... believe me it's hilarious!

We went to dinner and shared laughs and planned our Saturday. It was nice to be among familiarity. As much as I love Macclenny and the people here, it's so calming to be around people that KNOW you... I mean people who have history and have seen your worst and still call you to hang out the next day. My heart was missing that.

We went to Walmart to hunt chargers and spare clothes because my super cute husband... He forgot our suitcase. OUR SUITCASE! I sure am glad his head is attached or he would probably forget it most days. Silly guy.

We fell asleep watching Harry Potter. Because we only watch the best at Casa de Anzalone. Even though I think we only made it 5 minutes in because we are old married people who apparently can't hang anymore. *sigh*

Anywho... That brings me to SUPER AWESOME SATURDAY. After months and months and months and months of planning and waiting. It was TATTOO day! I was so excited! I had been planning this thing and mulling over how deep the meaning of it is to me. It just felt like it needed to be there at that point. As Amanda and I were going over what I was getting... our similarities became even more apparent. Everything I was wanting to incorporate was incredibly similar to her tattoo. Although, hers is way more epic than mine. Goes across her whole back. She is practically a rock star.

SO... we run around all morning finding clothes for Cyler and I, printing pictures for Eric T- the tattoo guy, trying to make sure I had food on my stomach for the tattoo, and me panicing.. .thank goodness Amanda was there. She kept stopping me to make sure I chilled out and breathed. Lots of hugs followed. Thanks Amanda!

We sang in the car and harmonized together, she is one of my FAVORITE duet partners, as we made our way to the shop. We walked in, I met Eric, he drew up the tattoo, and off we went. As he did the tatto he told funny stories, and gave awesome little nuggets that are great life principles. I think eventually I will do a whole blog about what this guy said and how cool it was to have met him.

And then... almost 2 hours later... It was finished. It was perfect. It looked better than I hoped and made the tattoo have an even deeper meaning. It represents so much of who I've become.

Check it out:

After that tattoo we went to Voodoo Dog. A hotdog place in Tally. I hate hotdogs... but that place... O.M.G. it was SO stinkin good. And was a great addition to the tough girl feeling I had going on. All in all... perfect experience.

And then it was time to head out. To leave my sweet friend and come back home. I think I miss being closer to her now more than I did before I went.

As we were getting ready to leave... Amanda brought me something that was so sweet and touched my heart more than she will know. She had already told me it was an early birthday present so I knew it was mine. But her bringing it out of the house and handing to me... it just really hit how great of a friend she really is.

I wrote a post called the Theology of Cinderella a while ago. It was talking about dreams and how I know God is going to do everything He promised.

She painted me a picture of Cinderella for my house. It was perfect and touching. It took time for her to make and was one of the most thoughtful things a friend has ever done for me.

I hung it over my keyboard as a reminder. I see it when I wake up and when I head to bed. It's just what I needed.

Take a look: She did a FABULOUS job!

Okay...

Next exciting part of my weekend: I have a new SEESTER!!

That's right... my super handsome, and weirdly funny brother-in-law got married on Friday to the beautiful Ashlee. She is sweet and smart, and super gorgeous. I couldn't be more happy for them. And icing on the cake is knowing that they are bringing what is sure to be the most handsome baby nephew into our family. I'm ready for January to give him sweet snuggles.

I've been able to spend some time with Ashlee over these past few months and of all of the things I love about her my favorite is this: She makes my BB so happy! I don't think I've ever seen him like this. Granted I haven't known him forever, but Cyler has. And he says the same thing.

Our new Blushing Bride in the family is perfect. She is just what we needed! Sweet and Sassy... with a lot of cute! 

And finally... the Princesses!

Because BB and Ashlee got hitched, my "growing up to fast" sister in laws were in town with my mom-in-law. It was nice to have some family time. We all hung out and heard HILARIOUS stories about BB and Cyler. Those girls are so smart and absolutely hilarious. Sissy, the youngest one, is a cheer leader now so randomly she breaks into clapping and counting to 8... its cute... and kind of funny. I'm glad she likes it.
And Amanda (the other little sis) she is edgy and fun and has a lot of attitude. But she is SO funny! If you pay really close attention her little comments will crack you up... or piss you off. Either way, it's great

And my mom-in-law, she is a character. I love her so much. She has more opinions than anyone I know. And I love it. She is strong in her beliefs and has no problem telling you when you need to get it together. It's great!


All in all... Best weekend in a while. Singing songs and saying "I do" all while us ladies all got EXACTLY what we wanted whether it was a tattoo, a milkshake and cookies, or a great new husband. This weekend was for the ladies!

So here's to you girls. I'm glad I have all of you in my life. I couldn't be any luckier.

Let's do it again next weekend, shall we?? :)

Is There an AA Group for this Problem?

Okay. Here's the thing. I have TERRIBLE follow through when it comes to projects I start.

I have half way started songs, pictures, art projects, growing my hair out (insert sad face here), even letters to people.

It's a problem. I can admit it.

"Hi, my name is Danielle and sometimes I don't finish what I start."

I hate that I'm like that. And one time I tried to work on it but I didn't follow through with that either. *sigh* See my dilemma.


I've been working on a lot of projects lately though. And I haven't stopped. I just recently finished a drawing of a bird (it was kind of weird looking... I think it had a big butt... Because I like big butts and I cannot lie??).

I also finished a project I was doing with a dresser. It's pretty cool and makes some great and cute extra storage space for the living room. 

I EVEN finished a complete poem. Pretty big accomplishments, if I do say so myself. I'm going to chalk it up to being a wife and all the super powers that come with it.

But, I have some projects that I don't know how to finish.

Let's start with the blog.
I've never stuck with one this long before. Shamefully I think it's only been like 3 weeks. That's my record though. I started a blog once called "Anything But Nothing" and it only had an intro blog and the first post. I wrote them both on the same day. And I Never. Wrote. Another. One.
But this blog... something about it means so much to me. Even if no one reads it (although I'm super thankful you do)it's helping me. And I'm following through even though I can't finish it. It's making follow through look a little bit different to me. Instead of having a starting and a stopping point... I have a journey. My only way of accomplishing anything with it is to keep going.

Never ending follow through.

That's intimidating.

Especially to someone who can't write a dang letter without giving up. (My poor Dad is still waiting on that letter now that I think about it... I should go find it)


I'm honestly trying not to think about it. I don't want to fail at this.

My plan is this: In the process of attempting to follow through with this blog I am giving myself little assignments in the process. Some small and some big.

I have decided to take on the responsibility of providing dinner to our ISM group every Thursday. My goal is to cook for them every week. Last week we had pizza but hey, at least I'm making progress. They still ate.

I am starting some DIY fall projects, too. I may actually post some blogs about what I'm doing in case you'd like to join in.

But... there is one really big project I've started and I'm super nervous to talk about it.

I've started writing a book. I've known it was coming for years and I've started. It's intimidating to say the least. I don't really know what I'm doing or how to finish it. But I'm doing it. It's going to be my biggest follow through test yet. And now that I told you... something inside says I have to finish.

To me, it's the biggest thing I've ever done. To write about my story in a way to inspire others. It's scary to be vulnerable. To open yourself up to criticism of your most trying and/or happy times.

Nevertheless, it's happening.


I will follow through. Because I want to be known as faithful. Even in the small things.



Do you ever struggle with follow through? Are there any projects you're working on that you really want to finish?

I'm Not an Island. And I Don't Live on One Either.

My intentions were to wait until the end of the week to write something. But, this morning I woke up and I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to write about this particular subject this morning.

Within the past few days the subject of relationships have been a discussion my husband and I have found ourselves in with most of the people we’ve talked to. Marriages, divorces, friendship, acquaintances, even enemies have come up. We’ve talked about this topic in ISM (our youth group), private conversations with people, and even amongst ourselves.

With all of this relationship chatter my mind has been buzzing about what I think about relationships and how important I think they are.
Here’s where I’m at…

I’m not one of the types of people that want to be surrounded by people 24/7. I like to be home and have quiet time with just my husband. I even went through a time recently where as much as I wanted friends I didn’t want to open up and care about more than my little family. I was willing to be kind and be available to talk but I didn’t want to call anyone friend.

I was trying to be an island, I guess.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says that “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
I’ve thought about that verse a lot. It was obnoxious to me at first thinking that things would be better living as if community were really important. And then I realized…

“Dang, Dani… you are thinking and acting like a bitter woman”

If there is anything that I don’t want to be it’s a bitter woman. I’ve walked through a couple of things in my past that were REALLY tough and hurt a lot and I purposed in my heart to not EVER get bitter. But, if you remember I mentioned in one of my first posts how I just came through a really interesting season with God. During that time, being that I wasn’t keeping my focus on things that were good and noble and true, I let myself become bitter and hard towards other people.

I was so disappointed with myself.

People were always my favorite thing about life. Learning them, loving them, and spending time with them. I loved people. But recently, I sure didn’t like them and I didn’t really act very loving. Not in my heart.

Have you ever met someone who wasn’t a good friend or didn’t have very many friends that, if you dug deep enough, didn’t have a root of bitterness? If I think about it… I can’t think of very many who weren’t bitter.

After realizing my own root of bitterness I was able to deal with it. I was and in some ways still am walking my way through my forest of unforgiveness. I am assessing each situation and what hurt me or disappointed me and I’m forgiving. It’s not been my easiest or favorite process… AT ALL! But, I feel my love for people coming back. And it’s stronger than it was before.

So… How do I feel about relationships?

With slightly gritted teeth I will tell you that I think they are more important than anything else you can pursue in life.

I have what someone else needs, and someone else has what I need. Whether that’s a physical or emotional or even spiritual need. I will never be a fully rounded and whole person without others.

I need friends. I need relationships. It makes me better, more loving, and less selfish.

But, after reading Ecclesiastes, it’s clear we all need each other.

Our hearts have got to be open to building relationships, learning each other, and accepting each other.

I’m not going to like everything about you, and you most definitely won’t like everything about me. But, if we can learn to love past ourselves and seek out those people that God has placed us in a community with (at church, school, work, city, clubs/groups) we will be better for it.

I love people… Because God loves them.

My only reasonable response to that realization…. Pursue what God pursues. He pursues people.

So, here’s to God’s creation. And putting on my big girl pants and getting to know them.

Bye bye Bitter Dani… Hello Friends! It’s great to see you! (for real)

The Theology of Cinderella

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

*Sigh

Today is just one of those days. You know what I’m talking about, right? The kind of day that you just sit back and stare at your work and think… I’d rather be doing a million and one other things besides this today.

That’s me. Oh GOODNESS is that me today!

But that got me thinking… or (because I’m feeling kind of in the mood for Disney)… it got me dreaming…

I love my job. It’s wonderful and stable and a blessing because I get to be home every day and feel like I’m a stay at home wife while having the opportunity to help contribute financially to my family in the process. Not a lot of people get to do that. I recognize the blessing it is.

BUT… I don’t want to be doing this forever. And today, all I can think about is what I really want to do with my life. There is a scripture in Ecclesiastes that has a blurb in it that says “… He has planted eternity in the human heart…”
Growing up in a Pastors home meant hearing that scripture dozens of times. And when I was out on my own and facing a lot of the new types of trials that come along I focused a lot on that scripture, well the first part at least. However, in this time of my life, it’s that second part (the blurb I mentioned) that has my attention.

I’m beginning to understand from that simple scripture that my purpose, my mission, or (for the sake of today’s blog) my dreams were planted in my heart before I was even born. And lately, the realization that if He put it there then it HAS to happen has been incredibly humbling. I can rest easy and hope freely knowing that my dreams are more real than my reality. What a paradigm!!

So… today… as I finish my work up and start my weekend I will be channeling my inner Cinderella (she’s my fave!). I’ll take care of my duties for the day humming the little diddy “If you keep on believing
the dreams that you wish will come true.”

Thanks for the pep talk, Cinderella.


(For those of you interested in the full scripture I referenced above check out Ecclesiastes 3:11 “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”)

Thank God for Pandora

Isaiah 12:5 “Sing praise-songs to God. He’s done it all!
Let the whole earth know what he’s done!
Raise the roof! Sing your hearts out, O Zion!
The Greatest lives among you: The Holy of Israel.”




True Story: I seem to only be able to write anything when I'm listening to music. And it's easy to tell what kind of music I listen to when I write because somehow the genre of music will come out in my writing. Today I decided to listen to my "Jesus Culture" station on Pandora. That's the one that really moves my heart... It has a tendency to take me deeper into worship than most of the other Christian genre stations I listen to. Personal preference is all that is...


Anywho... It has seemed to spark this next entry...


I tossed around a lot of different topic ideas going on in my head, but I think I need this one today. I need it for me... So here is the subject (I think it's going to kick my butt):


Worship.


....


I'm a believer. I believe that the God of the universe sent His son Jesus to Earth to be my teacher, and my savior. He conquered a lot for me, for you.
(Now wait... don't take this post as one of those cliché infomercials for Jesus. He is worth any post fully dedicated to Him, but that's not where this is heading. This is just me building the foundation. I guess softening you and myself up for the... punch in the face... so to speak. Curious?? You should be)


I've, for the better part of my walk with God, been pulled closer to Him and pushed farther away from things that are temporary and not really relevant by music that's pointing to His heart. I started learning to play piano at 13 just so I didn't have to rely on other's music. I wanted to be able to fully engage in that intimate time with God just myself and Him. It worked, too. There has always been something profoundly special about the depth of connection I've been able to make with Him during those passionate and powerful musical connections.


The subject of worship was my first sermon. The first thing I got behind a pulpit and taught about.


Something happened...


That realization that "I'm a believer... He conquered a lot for me..." disappeared. I forgot, or turned my head.


I let worship become a job. If I was being honest (and I think I am) playing keys and singing felt like it was becoming a chore. Monday night practices and extra early Sunday mornings. I felt like my job was more entertainment for others rather than intimate time with God. Don't get me wrong... I knew the words I was singing and I meant them. I sang TO God every Sunday. But, in my experience, true worship is different. When I'm worshiping it's not just me singing to God but Him singing back to me. Healing my broken place, igniting that passion again and again and again, giving me direction.


Worship is deeper.


And I miss the depth.


I want every bit of my focus for practices, Sunday mornings, and quiet worship times at home, to be on The One who conquered a lot for me. I want to tell Him I'm sorry for getting caught up. For being insincere and distracted. But now, when I worship, He says there’s no need. He says to just move forward. That's His song back to me right now.


And that makes me want to worship Him more... and provoke worship in others.


Because He IS conquering a lot in me. I am forever grateful.





How has music, specifically worship changed your life?

All of this from a Storm and a Candle

Psalms 138:8. "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."


This summer has been particular rainy here in Jax. It seems like there isn't a day that goes by when there isn't at least a drizzle or the sound of thunder not too far off. And, don't get me wrong, I appreciate rain. It makes things green and beautiful which is one of my most favorite things about Florida. Most importantly it cools things off... and when it's averaging between 95-100 degrees everyday I'm first in line doing a rain dance. Ha!

But, with the rain has come some pretty nasty storms. Nothing serious but, being that my husband and I live in a cute little barn converted into a cabin, the storms are enough to rattle the walls a bit when it thunders. I'm totally fine with that as long as he is home... I guess somehow, in my brain, I figure if the storm gets too bad he can just hold all the walls up so I'll be safe (he is my protector, right? It's not too much to ask for him to be my personal live-in super man... is it?) However, the other day while working in "my office" a storm hit. Super Man (or Cyler as I fondly refer to him) was busy saving the world in Jacksonville at his office so I had to fend for myself on the home front. Terrifying, right?! Don't worry, I managed. BUT... You will never guess what happened....

It stormed so bad the power went OUT! Yea... I know. AND, get this, it looked like it was night outside. And we don't have a lot of windows so imagine how dark it was inside. I had just enough battery on my cell to turn on the flashlight and find some candles and light them. I was fine after that. I just took a nap until the power came back on. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful day.

Something happened though... It didn't hit me at first. Really I didn't think about it until a few weeks later (we'll call that yesterday). I was fine when all the candles were lit but I started out with just one candle. A tea light candle. That thing didn't give off much light at all. Like, I could barely see what was in front of me. It wasn't as easy navigating that way, and I know my house and how it's laid out...

Lately, or more specifically the past 2 1/2 years, have been an interesting point in my life. Most people wouldn't know the internal battle that's been going on, and that was how I wanted it. I let life and the circumstances and words being thrown my way really effect me. Most people were trying to help, or trying to be a voice for God in my life but they were speaking and doing off of what they were seeing instead of what they were hearing from the heart of a Father. So, I began the process of... well whatever this is...

Looking back I know now that God never left even when I thought He did or I thought He should have. I was really angry about a lot of things and I thought ministry (the ministry that I knew I was called to) wasn't for me. I didn't feel qualified and honestly, I didn't want it. It was hard and painful. So, I turned my light switch off. I let my power go out. If I were telling you the truth, when I was in the middle of that season I didn't think I was on track for my Destiny at all. God and I, we talked. I loved Him... I just didn't appreciate the cards I was being dealt. ESPECIALLY when I was fighting so hard to hold on to faith.

The coolest thing, though, is I see now I never walked away from my Destiny. I was being refined to be more effective. I allowed my power to go out so to speak. But God, He is awesome, because He saw it coming and had the candle ready. He lit it. I know now that I was never in the dark. I just couldn't see far ahead.

I still feel like I'm navigating my Destiny by candle light. I don't see everything in front of me and I don't know how much ground I've covered but I know that I've covered ground and I've grown a lot. And soon maybe the lamp will be turned on so I can see how far I've really made it. All in all, I'm fine with whatever.

Today, the candle light is keeping me focused, and I SO need that. So, for now, I'm holding onto a simple verse from Psalms 138:8. "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." I'm thankful that He has a plan.

I pray I become a more yielded daughter. That the passion of salvation grows in my heart again. More than anything I want to make my Daddy happy. To bring a smile to His face. Even to the ends of the earth... by the light of a candle.

Have you ever had a season or span of time in your life where you felt like candle light walking was what you had to work with? How did you feel?